---- more silence ----

so tired. sooooo tired. didnt sleep much last night, in an attempt to make up time on one of the papers. i ended up spending about 5 hours sitting on AIM getting nothing done. and yes, i pretty much just talked with one person. shameful. cant believe im letting myself get behind when im up against the wall like this.... tonight wasnt much better, i ended up taking an hour out to watch some Band of Brothers in jonahs room.... shouldnt have done that either. i suppose im not tooooo far gone yet.. paper for tomorrow is done, paper for wednesday is over half done, havent started paper for thursday yet. not to mention law final of death on tuesday of next week... yah havent cracked a book for that yet.. i figure its going to be my whole weekend. prof david would probably like that. make me spend my whole fucking weekend reading about the African Organizatin of Unity and other horribly inneffective multinational treaties and arrangements that the UN probably isnt clear on. i never wanted a life anyway i guess.

trying not to get too far behind with everything else in my life either. arh is starting to feel like work again... tonights meeting went really well tho. i know i tend not to talk about it much; but it did go well... we were meeting in direct competition with Bono of U2.. we still managed to eek out quorum and get through some interesting debate. yeah. debate at the arh house meeting. not something that would have happened in the recent few years. but tonight the kids really took it on. starting to change my perspective on them. i really am impressed by them when they suck it up and do it. but most of the time they all just sit there... its tough to motivate that many people what what i have to give is not what they need. i cant be the e'r present cheerleader and still be out doing the business with the university people. i cant be impartial and make rulings on debate if i have to step down to create the debate. tonight was good tho. i think that people that missed tonight missed out on something. im extremely impressed at how two or three individuals handled themselves tonight. not that i needed to be persuaded; just they really surprised me. if i had this kind of output from the group from day one, i dont even know where wed be at by now.... seriously. ive got so much in mind for what this group could do, and should do; i just cant get us there when the kids wont do it. ive allready stuck my balls out on the block on several occasions to get us some limelight with unveristy types. one person i had to personally assure that it would be worth their time to come. its difficult to do that. but nights like tonight start to make it pay off. even the advisors were good tonight. really blew my mind.

life also has other fruits... xmas is right around the fucking corner. only done shopping for one person thus far. need to corroborate with my sister to cover my dad; and dad has allready agreed to help me with listing and digging up what people would like and paying attention for me since im up here. nice to have spies on the ground doing work for you. im typically a last minute, typical man shopper. if they dont have it at truckstop on xmas eve, you probably wont get it! im not that bad--yet. but i do tend to wait till about a week out... usually i kick myself for it.. but its part of my xmas warm up routine. infact i surprised myself with the one gift that i bought allready. it was just something that came to mind, that i just happened to see out of the corner of my eye. it just fit. ofcourse, they didnt have exactly what i wanted at the store... so it took me a bit of resourcefullness to come up with what i really wanted... but i think its good. i think they will really like it. well see. i was thinking about keeping it a secret. i wasnt sure really whether i should even get anything; but deep down i knew i wanted to. then it just became a matter of keeping it a secret or not... eventually they hounded me enough about it that i ended up saying that i got something... that took the guess work out of that.

sooooo tired. more tomorrow.. or some day soon....

ain't it fun~
s.