Monday, July 20, 2009

‘Wolves’ reign supreme in fashion


Staff Article, Quad City Times, July 18, 2009 [available online at QCTimes.net]

We've often waxed poetic about the Oracle of All Knowledge. (Psst, we're talking the Internet here.) There is so much information that it would take several lifetimes to see it all. And, truth be told, there are plenty of things on the Internet that are a giant waste of time.

This is where "The Mountain Men's Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee" comes into play. You see, it all began as an innocent ad for an innocent item of clothing on Amazon.com. A $17 T-shirt. But, as so often happens, things take on a life of their own.

The first customer review for the product came from "B.Govern" from New Jersey. The rest is Internet history. Here's the review:

"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called meth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

"Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women

"Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark."

This one review prompted 171 comments about the review itself. One simply said this: "This is why we have the Internet."

His one review spawned enough interest in the shirt to generate 1,253 more reviews - an Amazon record. Various sites reported that sales for the shirt "were greater than expected" because of that first review.

Quadrants has created its own "wolves" shirt. To see its power, direct your browser to qctimes.com.

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You just know when your parents hand you a newspaper article, and say, "we immediately thought of you," you wince. See the whole story, as far as my parents and finding this gem, originated at work. Where we get bored. And also where we deal with some of the trashiest people, any of us, have ever met. Walnuts made the subtle observation a few months ago, that trashy people love wearing shirts with animals on them. Wolves. Moose. Skunks. Nascar digits. Unicorns. Deer. Fish. Its all really the same. Its comfort food to their wardrobe I guess. Normal people have that one shirt they like.... or maybe that super stretched out pair of underwear, that you should have thrown out, streaks and all, long ago; that you just like to put on. Anyhow, we make fun of it. We have to. Because its almost a race against society to find the must absurd and undignified animal on a shirt, then wear it to a Menard's just to show people how you really are. Eagles were popular. "Stars and stripes buddy." Anyways. Aside from finding people in tshirts with dates on them, this is the most fun we tend to have on a busy, trashy, weekend. Tshirts with dates? Thats more like bingo. People wear things with dates on them, that should long ago be paint rags. "Worlds Best Grandpa, 1992." Forget that the newborn's hand prints on that shirt, are now casually fondling breasts in COLLEGE!!! Or the "Moonlight Chase 1988" tshirt I cackle at every-time a certain contractor wears it. First off, he could run 4 miles in a day at this rate, second, that tshirt is as old as my brother. I'm happy to say that. "Your tshirt is as old as my brother." Again, I digress... Animals on shirts make the trailer park people go round. So it came up over dinner one night a while back with my parents. We did make the slow realization that we have relatives that do this. Yes. They wear wolf tshirts... or nastard digits on underwear.... or dreamy tie dyed native american shirts with horses running around them, and dream catchers printed on the armpits.... So that kind of became a running gag for awhile around my parents. Then this gem hit. THIS sparkling, refreshing gem. I feel so vindicated. Really, all you need to do, is read the bolded, italicized type. Its worth it. Now I can say, wolf shirts arent just for the trashy anymore!!!! And it came from Davenport.!