Current Musical Selection: Col Parker - Angel's Run
im starting to get anxious. not in the good way, but in the bad way. im official now; LSATs are coming on Dec 6th, whether im ready or not. probably my last major research presentation on the 12th of Nov for my major, then a possibly make or break latin midterm later that week. not to mention the bullshit busy work inbetween; and ofcourse work its self. it should be an interesting span of days. each is going to impact my life to come [at least for the next few years], so i think im due to be a bit apprehensive about it all. maybe more so im impatient. id rather not sit and study for it, learn it all, or prepare for it. id rather get it all done. its the time inbetween thats driving me insane. i guess its the time between knowing i have to prove myself, and the wait until i can do it; is that which drives me insane. like i said, it should be an interesting span of days for me.
ive intensified my efforts to study; and i fear its not enough. ive logged about 20 hours in the library this week alone [ and its only wednesday], the next few days will be worse im sure. id like to go home and finish my parents computer [its half built, with all parts waiting in my room], but i know im going to want to stay around and get nothing done... and besides, all the materials i need are going to be in the U's library. damn near under lock and key. atleast there is never a line to use the microfilm machines... heh. i bet most of the kids here dont know where they are, much less how to use them. so thank you mom for those years of doing genealogical work; ive learned something usefull [yet again] that college never taught me. go college!
had an interesting conversation with a co-worker tonight. seems im not the only soc major in the town, that detests the place. kendra says shed much rather live outside of city limits. im glad someone else sees this place for what it is. everything i see around here looks the same. i guess immersing myself in research data on the subject isnt too healthy of an indulgence... but neither is walking through beer cups in the hallway each weekend, or dodging the barf stains and broken bottles that cover the sidewalks of the town. *sigh* i know i dont fit in.
its all so hard to say i have a realistic and necessary position in this place; when it appears im so out of place. sitting around eating dinner at 11pm at Village Inn, i hoped to find more people like me. i was wrong. the place was fairly alive and moving with people in pairs and groups. laughing, talking, conversing. i sat alone in a booth in the corner in my silence. i suppose i could have said something, but then again, id be responsible for responding to myself... and that wouldnt look too good. so i did my latin. like a good boy [bona puer], and borrowed from the people around me. i suppose thats what i have to do in order to fit in. live each day like its someone elses to live; and hope that in the end, no one notices i never did.
