Hamburglar clears the air a bit here; mainly due to my infatuation with him, I thought I could work this bit in too.

Perspective: I’ve Taken Your Clown-Faced Burger Bullshit for Long Enough

[available: The MQ Online Volume 10 Issue 6]

The Hamburgler

Ronald McDonald? More like Ronald McFuckerson. You and your lame-ass clown suit can eat my burger-eating ass. I have two delinquents and a wife in the streets and I never get respect. Now it’s “me” time: Hamburgling time. I have taken your clown-faced burger bullshit for long enough.

For 34 years, I have slaved behind your fake smile. You done me wrong, Ron, and that ain’t right. “All the kids love me!” That’s what you told us. You took all the cred and left us all in the darkness. I know now that was a ray-croc of shit, you never cared about me. All I want to do right now is choke you to death with my red tie with hamburgers on it.

When I got out of the McPrison for stealing those Fish Filets, Mayor McCheese was there. Officer Big Mac still supported me. Even Buzz fucking Lightyear hooked this brother up. But you? Nothing. You were off getting high with that Jack-in-the-Box corporate whore. Learn to respect the little people, asshat.

I looked up to you, man. When I was young, you brought us all in as equals. Little did I know you’d turn out to be such a pube-bucket. All we wanted was recognition of our hard work, but no, you needed the statuses of yourself AND the Ronald McDonald playhouse. You couldn’t get enough of yourself, and now I’m going to quarter-pound your face in with a shit-burger.

Remember that 1990’s “Beanie Baby” craze? Do you remember the night before when, while we were drunk in your basement, I told you my idea to market them? Do you remember my disgusted face as you trampled me on your way to the top? That’s right, dong-captain, you stole my ideas. But never burgle a burglar, bitch. I’m coming after you and your size 23 feet, and I am gonna bust a McCap in your lame-ass yellow jumpsuit.

Dear Lord.... This Article Title Says It All....


PENIS THEFT PANIC HITS CITY!!!

[available: Reuters News Service - April 23rd, 2008]

By Joe Bavier

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a

Kinshasa police station.

(Editing by Nick Tattersall and Mary Gabriel)

------------/////--------------------

Yeah. I've had this happen. When certain people touch me, my penis has disappeared! WTF. It happens to everyone. In much the same way that Jenna Jameson, and Hootie McBoob at the local slut parlor..errrrrrrrrr strip club; must be some kind of penis sorceresses. Because EVERY time they touch me, they can make my penis grow.

cold keys. thats really all i can say. its been more than two months since ive warmed them back up. in general we haven't missed out on much. i know that the outer, larger, more important world hasn't been saddened by my absence. so a bit of an update is in order i suppose...in no particular order....


i went to, and survived the state of texas. it was a blast. it was my first real vacation. spent about a week out on my own. due to my forgotten cell phone charger, i largely spent the whole time without out any human contact. still a good thing. ive also ascertained that austin, houston, and san antonio are all fantastic places for me to end up some day. lots more about it all; pictures and such... but let it suffice; it was a good thing

i survived pneumonia. its taken about two full weeks to get "moderately healthy" i still have some problems with shortness of breath, and i think i have sinus infection now; and the cough hasn't completely gone away. its better. ill make it. not that anyone seems to care if it would have killed me. just that id always imagined a bit more gun fire or explosions to carry me out of the world... not pints of mucus and fluid in my lungs choking me.

ive officially worked 65 hours in one work week. i did not want to break the 70 barrier. remember too, that im hourly. its not a glamorous nor lucrative job either. so to my lawyer and doctor [or soon to be] friends; try doing what you do for 1/3 the money; and tell me its still worth it. its not. it really is not.