well mission mostly complete. i made it up to see mr. philip levine read again. but especially, i got to hear him again. the man has a wonderful bold voice, when he uses it. but often keeps to the frail old man tone. he seems so much like a grandfather to me. ofcourse i never really had one, that was alive for me to remember long atleast. his stories dart in and out about what hes written. most of the time he gives a 10 minute story about the inspiration of 4 words in a poem, which we, as a young audience, may or may not know. then he just goes off sometimes. like his story about Henry Ford. i wish id have caught the whole thing on tape, but i was trying to conserve some as i only brought one cassette. regardless, it explains the use of "us niggers and kikes" in one of his poems, but given with his resounding description of Ford as, "quite a mother-fucker". surprisingly, it met with general laughter. i was in a bit of awe. not that he said it, but how everyone reacted to it. i remember the first time i saw him do a reading, i was warned that hed swear some times. he said shit, several times that night, but never in a venomous way. tonight he had some gusto behind several of his phrasings, to the tune of which i hadnt heard. i like going to hear him read his work though. so much of poetry is lost in how we construct it in our heads or in our voices. the educational system has wasted poetry for most people before they can begin to realize it. when some asshat in 4th grade made you rhyme everything, or burned you becuase you couldnt write fucking hiku's... or later on when you heard 'sonnett" and though "fuck it', it was all ruined. and it got worse for me, as i grew older, the university made me look at things like juxtaposition, and hidden meanings and obscure phrasings as key important features. but by the time i looked at it long enough to see all that, id forgotten what the poem was about, and how it was trying to say it. and while im sure you can analyze levine's work, if you hear him read it, youll ask yourself why youd ever want to. for him its all a story. the free verse works. its not about being metaphorical. its about spinning a good yarn. either a false one or a true one. one that makes sense or one that doesnt. its all a story. and after you hear him read them as he sees them. it all makes so much more sense. it made me glad that i went to see him five years ago. even more so when i can see him now. plus. hanging around a lobby long enough has some rewards. as you can see in the picture above, he was on his way out to the car, but he was kind enough to atleast drop his name in my copy.

For those keeping score at home, this was from wedding #6 of the year. I was officially invited to 7, had 2 more i could have gone to, and still a couple left this fall. sigh. this is getting rediculous. atleast i can say, im running out of friends that can get married. anyhow. these are my cousins, Jessica [left-the bride], and Rachel [right-maid of honor]. its really odd to see them like this. while i dont remember jess so much growing up, i remember alot of rachel. i just still see her being a 9 year old girl in my head. quite a bit off from where shes at now. jess is my age or a year younger, and i know rachel is 2 years younger. sigh. both girls have kids already, rachel is in a pretty secure relationship, and jess married the father of hers this weekend.

well... the new job starts on wednesday... and here it is. practicaly tuesday. im apprehensive to say the least. there are alot of things to worry about when you start a new job. most of them dont bother me. its the job its self that bothers me. im hoping i can turn this into a way to make some money. serious money. that was the one question that really shook me at the interview stage; was how do you feel about not having a support net for income, that you earn your own wage? i told them; "im not sure" honestly ive never done that before. and while there is a token amount, they are right, i decide how much money i want to make doing this. territory aside, it is up to me. my sister started in on me about cold calling tonight. how she hates it. im trying my hardest not to formulate an opinion on it. but i can see how id hate it, if i sat at a desk 9 hours a day calling people to get them to buy shit. my motivation is if they half way sound interested i can go see them. im not chained to the desk. and i dont pass on a hot call to someone else to close it. im setting my appointments for sales. in that sense, im writing my own pay checks. in a way thats quite exciting. give it a few weeks to see if ive changed my mind. regardless. its all still there. there are alot of things to look forward to as just being different. in a job sense, i could use different right now. id rather not stay in retail. getting stuck at a desk all the time could be dull. so atleast this is a job that pays me to go out and see people. even if i have to put in some time on the phones first. so. ive been gobbling up all the crappy sales manuals and books i can find. ive read tom hopkins, the art of selling, cover to cover 3 times in a week. it has alot of common sense in it. maybe it will pay off.

the last few days have been sketchy. ive been all over the place, so appologies to everyone that calls me that gets voice mail. being in and out of RK ive tried to keep my phone off, and being around the state makes it tough to keep a cell signal... something i know will have to change soon. i looked over the coverage maps and notice cingular/att [whom i use now] has about 0% coverage in southeast iowa. gr. but then again, i couldnt get a signal sitting at my apartment half the time either. and even when i lived in town, it was half of what it should have been. i started reading the premature paper work from RK... turns out i get 2 weeks vacation next year, but have to wait 7 years to get a third week. i get the standard days off [thanksgiving, 4th of july, xmas, new years] but thats about it. and i get one personal day per quarter to use, never to accumulate more than 4 days at a time. eeesh. not much wiggle room. but i guess its hard to sell if you are never there. and time will tell how close they watch me. i suppose if im selling, or atleast showing progress, they may not care if i shave an hour here and there on the road, or if i stick around "fort madison sales stop" long enough in iowa city, that i cant make it back before 5pm to find me. or whatever the time is. i havent heard hours yet. the only thing ive seen is employees who work more than 30 hours per week. i cant imagine a job like that letting you put in less than that.