Current Musical Selection: Bob Dylan - Oh Sister

well i guess i have nothing to worry about. here i was, nevous and unsettled. hoping i could actually cook everything alright. i got up early to start on everything. the bird in the oven at 9am. had real [not minute variety] wild rice going at 10. plus jello and stuff. everything was going well. then the reality sunk in. the nervousness reappeared because no i wasnt so sure that my cooking would be the problem. i hadnt seen her in months. i didnt want to screw this up. just wanted a nice day. forget about everything else. have a nice meal. so two people dont feel so lonely on this day. so i called; as scheduled to, right at 1pm. no answer. wait 10 minutes. call again. nothing. once more 20 minutes later. finally i get an excuse. guess what? a no show. table was set, drinks were poured. im cradling the phone as im carving up the bird. all i was missing was the guest. i hung up. seems like a waste. yeah, it is a waste. 50 bucks worth of food. one person. another day solitude. yet another meal in silence. and i guess i dont know why i try anymore. i tried so fucking hard, just to put everything together at the last minute; because i thought it would be nice. and im sitting at the table by myself. and now im not hungry. im looking at all this food. all the effort it took to get everything set just right, and i cant figure out why. alot of people would cry at this point. and thats ok. i can understand why that would happen. but i didnt. i just let it sit there. and i looked at it. and just tried to figure out why.

thank you to someone for memorable meal that wasnt.

it really was strike three for you.


happy thanksgiving to everyone out there,
hope everyone has better luck than me this year