well as a random note... ive joined myspace as well. should anyone else care to find me on it, ta-da-is-the-link. i did it because no one from davenport is on facebook. its true! ive been a member of myspace for about 20 minutes, and im up to 5 friends-- all of them from home. when i look at my list of friends on facebook, about 99% of them are from school only. its pretty rare that i find any of my friends from home on it. myspace also has a neat feature of bands being on it. bands which place their songs [albeit] in embedded players, so that your friends music can be played on your page. yes, its annoying as all hell to go to someones page and hear their music, but its kind of neat to have some old school black metal playing on mine; legit and free. myspace also lets you do more to the page. facebook really doesnt allow for it. so thats kind of neat. i guess.

so i used it and ive caught up with 2 girls i graduated with, that i litterally havent seen or even heard their names, since then. very neat. one ended up in South Carolina, and the other is in Flordia. maybe im just living vicariously, but i enjoy seeing where people end up that isnt davenport. dont get me wrong. this was a great place to grow up. its a fantastic place to raise children still. but being a 20 something, with no real committments, there is no real life around here. and looking at my friends that have moved off, they tend to have found that life in other [non davenporty] places. i also somewhat struggled with how to approach them. a little bit. i mean how great of a friend am i, if i cant talk to someone once in 7 years... sigh. i get that. i expect ill get more of that. but its hard to come up with what to say. obviously im not any of these people's best friend, but maybe im not the worst enemy either. see on facebook, it seemed to me, that approve and go, with myspace i almost feel compelled to talk to these people. the facebook crew hardly even sends me a poke back anymore. who knows. people are just who they want to be.

being all nostalgic and such the past few hours, i dug around some blogs. eventually i arrived at a blog from someone, who, im surprised didnt erase theirs. but 3 years later, its still sitting there. to me; its tough. this was a person who was a good friend to me. good enough i suppose. who did some really stupid shit, and got called on it. and should have. im not denying that. but reading through the posts, it was somewhat harsh how everyone treated them. all the responses are anonymous, and combative. and, yes, they pulled some stupid shit, they looked like a dumbass doing it, and deserved some crap for what they did. but honestly i dont know if they deserved all of what people were throwing at them. maybe from select people. that much would be understandable. but reading it now, it just looks like they made it open season on them. so i feel a bit guilty. should i? i dunno. i didnt hop on the stone throwing train. honestly, i ended up being the best friend they had at that point. but maybe i wasnt a true friend. maybe im still not. i suppose, a complication like that, makes sense why i struggle with pulling up some of these old names on myspace. maybe on some level, i feel guilty over something i said back then. hell, the problem is i dont even remember what i would have said. so i dunno.

i pulled out a yearbook from junior year tonight. that scared me. i cant believe what a retard i looked like. well. still am. but how hard it is to imagine people i knew then, looking like someone who is the age we are now. i know damn well ive passed people in the mall, or on the street that i graduated with, that i just dont recognize anymore. its sad. its not like the high school was that big. 1300 people isnt huge. hell, several colleges in iowa are that size. but i guess its the idea of people changing and moving on. and i thought about the line from Cool Hand Luke... where Luke goes out to the truck to see Arletta. She says something about how that at some point a bitch wouldnt recognize her own pup anymore, and how it pains her that she still knows Luke to be her son... how much easier on us all if we could be as blind and forgetful as that, to let those people slide off in to true anononymity. i suppose to an extent i experienced that. for better or for worse.

you ever hear something on a cd that bugs you so much, that every time you listen to it , it irks you? im not talking like a note out of pitch, or stupid lyrics....

see whats bugging me is the track ordering on some albums. anal? positively. but frustrating? absolutely.

damageplan. the cd is severely weakened by using Wake Up as the first track. New Found Power should be number one.

everytime i listen to it now, it bugs me. i just think NFP sets the tone much better for whats coming... and to think that some studio executive probably said, aww just put them in any order. that bugs me.