Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Why Internet Dating Isn’t Working Out

If internet dating was a business, with would be the government subsidized, maximum benefit receiving, zero profit, kind of thing we read about in the paper that soak up tax dollars, and do literally nothing but fuzzy, feel good shit.

Its welfare, in a special line item appropriation, extended to half black-half asian, twin, teenage pregnant mothers that speak only Ugandan or Bengali, and can’t recognize shapes because of an intense lack of education by ruthless male figures in their home country.  Internet dating really just jabs its hooks into the downtrodden, the less fortunate, and the never-will’s, to pump up hope.  Hope comes at the cost of everyone else. 

My point is, that one solid month back into the internet dating realm, across 3 sites mind you, I have zero replies.  On one site alone I’ve lit off 58 messages.  Nothing.  Its false hope.  Of all the women I’ve seen online, let alone looked at more than twice, and bothered to read a profile; maybe 10% are attractive to me.  Which, honestly means there are about 10 to 40 out there.  From Minnesota to Missouri.  That’s not helping to do much else than give false hope.  Especially when none of them answer you.   Its frustrating.  Imagine walking around a party where people are talking and being introduced; and after a night of 58 attempts; not one person says “hello” back to you.  How disrespectful is that?  How is this any different, I might ask? 

I can tell you how its NOT any different.  These are not random social networking sites, where I’m hammering away trying to find a skank.  These are dating sites.  Populated by adults, that "opt in” to the service.  You would think that people going to these sites, who spend time making profiles, would probably want to converse and meet people.  I guess its not about that.  So why would you go to a social gathering, and not be social and introduce yourself, or try to meet people? I would stay at home. But I’m cruising these sites because I want that moment in my mind, where I probably aren’t alone in this world, and maybe it is a couple of mouse clicks off.

 

There are only two reasons women are even on these things. First and foremost,I think, that most of these dating sites are really just ways for women to pound their own ego higher.  Judging by the information changes, it looks like 10-15% are people in relationships that aren’t swinging.  So the max actual crowd to pick from drops to 85% of what you think it is.  That’s nice.  Again, why join a site like that?  Next, I’d say 20 to 30% are listed as bisexual.  Which means what?  Because by the time you are pushing 30; and you haven’t figured out your own orientation, you might not be ready for a relationship.  Pool size drops to 65% of expected size. Next, you figure in the number of smoking hot women, that have no intention of anything other than giving some dork an erection.  Call her “viagra,” but that on purpose.  Knock it back 10% more. Now we are at the real pool.  Half the size you think it is. 

 

This brings in the second reason women on these sites.  By and large, they are damaged goods, unattractive, or unwilling to find a date in the real world.  Seriously.  Lets not count the small group like me for now, stick with it.  If they are attractive, and normal, and even venture outside once per day; men will find them.  Bees and honey.  Shit and flies.  Ice and water. You can’t hardly get one with out the other.  But they aren’t.  Damaged goods is a big class, but refine it to say: emotionally incompatible, incomplete acceptance of past misgivings, or burdened by life circumstances.  All of it is the same category.  In the month I’ve been hitting this hard, its most of what I see in “real” women out there.  These are women that can’t do a conventional relationship…  they are too domineering or masochistic. They do not give and take in a natural way.  They focus or obsess to unfair levels about potential mates, or are just plain chock full of “father figure issues,” that aren’t fair for anyone to deal with. Not only that, this is the group that probably had a kid [or several] at 20, which didn’t turn out so great. Maybe they smoke crack still.  Who f’ing cares. Its all the same.  Defect on arrival. Send it back.  Not only that, we get the girls that self-assuredly, can’t make it work in the normal world of dating. So they put up out of focus pictures, pictures in costumes, pictures of friends, or non-personable shit as self portraits.  Anything but let the internet public see them for what they are.  Lastly, we have the ones that just are unwilling to settle for what is around them.  They are the best case scenario of all.

 

I count myself, of sorts for comparisons sake, in the last line. I get it.  I’m no male model.  I don’t have 6 pack abs, or gloss myself with nicknames.  I’m largely a bust by age 30.  I couldn’t make a regular relationship last more than 4 months on my own, and I haven’t found one female, in my life [including my own mother for shit’s sake], that genuinely enjoys spending time with me.  I know I’m a loser in the real world. So, like me, these girls are looking on the internet.  But not looking at the same time.  Frustrating for sure.  Not looking? Well no one else seems to be interested in a guy, that’s titling messages “just looking to meet people.”  Not, fuck me in the broom closet like a hooker.  Not, marry me the minute you meet me.  Not, I want to knock you around to show you how I love you.  Just looks to meet people.  I ask about their interests; if they say something funny, I mention that.  I compliment their pictures if they look good, and I relate to hobbies and interests that are common.

 

Its unfortunate.  Not only am I pathetic in the real dating world, I’m flaming out fast in the fake world of internet dating.  But, its a last ditch effort.  For months I’ve been serious about needing a real chance at a relationship.  Not a given, guaranteed thing.  But I need a fucking chance. I think I deserve it.  The fickle mob, that is my judge, denies me that, and bail.