Wednesday, December 21, 2005

well... all i can say is... wtf damon? for those of you that dont care, johnny damon signed with the yankees late last night. when i found out today i was pissed. i cant believe it. how can boston let him go, but... moreover how can they let him go to the yankees of all places. geezus. another 84 years before a second title is what im calling.

im not sure what to say about the last couple days. work pisses me off. im under quota. im not getting appointments. im not selling anything. im not even genereating interested parties. im not happy. and its just not going to get much better in the immediate future. sigh.

some good news. well im not even really sure what to say. obviously i want to say something, but. i just dont know how. sarah and i actually broke down and found a time to get together yesterday. which, i really enjoyed. it just seems so rediculously hard to sit down with her. i think it was something like 3 full months since id seen her. i HATE that. regardless of what she thinks. i hate it. it just drives me crazy that i cant see one of the few people i want to see. i dont even really care why... but we both have garbage for schedules. i dunno. i think. mmm just thinking outloud... that she probably thinks im crazy. that im way out there that i try too hard. or just something about me isnt quite right. thats fair. it really is. im sure there isnt something quite right with me. but. .. you know. if im going to turn 25 in a few days; i know that my family life expectancy is running out. men on my fathers side tend not to make it much beyond 70. quite a few even earlier. realistically, ive got 1/3 of my life down. and after the types of relationships and situations ive been through, i dont want to end up where ive been. i want to end up with someone; but. im through trying to get into a relationship to have one. in certain words, which, i guess i didnt state exactly, i want to try relationships that matter, with people that matter to me. and i cant stop thinking that ive got to do this. ive got to be nuts and crazy and schizo if thats what it takes. because for whatever reason, i think there is something to be there. thats nothing she wants to talk about. not an idea, that she even appears to entertain. she wants to have fun. she wants to be young. she doesnt want someone like me. maybe thats a bit harsh. i guess from what we've talked about its probably not all together wrong though. but the truth is; i dont care. i guess i am crazy. im crazy about what i think about. shes very different from all the other girls ive been around. but i just get this vibe and this itch at the back of my head that says, that ive just got to go for it this time. i just have to. so . i dunno. maybe if im a bit overboard. maybe she understands where its coming from. shes gorgeous. shes funny. shes easy to talk with. shes understanding. and there is alot of common experiences between us that just work for our benefit. i dont know where im going with this. we had lunch. i had fun. i even got her something for christmas. which... yes. maybe was a little much. but... sometimes it takes a little much, a little crazy, to get noticed. sometimes you have to get totally off your rocker for someone to take you serious.