do do do be do

sitting around... thats what i do...


that and get fuckin irate about shit people do.... who made the list?

how about M-Tards "guests" that complain about things that are obviously not worth complaining over.... hm? "Why dont the pink buckets have pink lids... why are all the lids white... where are the pink lids at?" "Don't you have a toilet paper holder thats 1/4" bigger this way, but not the other way?" "Its just a standard faucet, not that it matters, just give me the parts I need fix it"

how about M-Tards for making me sell pink buckets and lids to the gruff con-tractor/farting/ nascar watching market... or for catering to their herpes and shit stained asses, by giving them Farting Santa Claus action figures, or more god damned nascar stickers or birthday knife sets

how about the mexican families that show up to buy custom tinted paint, 2 minutes before you close on a sunday night, then let their children barf all over the floor... for that matter, how abotu letting large mexican families in the store in the first place, since im getting tired of the kids stealing things or trashing the store

how about the asshole that invented the fucking Uni-Towel... yay. need to dry your hands? paper towels are expensive! those air powered hand dryers arent any good... we need something else... we need... a revolving uni towel! yes! lets put one 2 foot long towel in a loop and make people continually use a wet, fecal soaked towel to dry their hands...

how about the shit heads that continue to use a toilet as a turd dump, even though the city has shut the water off for some time... this; ofcourse, results in a legitimate use of a Turd Spoon;... yet another thing, I really dont need to have at the store to sell...

and on to things that dont suck..


the new Dimmu Borgir cd. definitively, not sucktackular. their best ever? hardly. but not sucktackular. devils. boobs. metal. weird accents from sweeden. 8 inch spiked leather shin guards. none of that sucks. Right now... I'm really digging track 9: The Invaluable Darkness. there is something about this bouncing riff, with the circus type keyboards... its just played so tight... so Old Man's Child tight... obviously Galder [guitarist for both bands] is doing alot more with Dimmu's writing.. {devil horns!}

watching the Yankees choke on it like a jr. high volleyball-playing slut at the hands of the Red Sox this weekend; also did not suck... I mean 'Yanks: show up to play... put 'Mo Rivera out there... Joe Torre says, "eh this shits in the bag"... 3 hits later... "When I said the shits in the bag, by bag I meant my pants, and by shit, I meant I just splattered them with my own shit" and then, they got busted in the mouth the monday night by the Devil Rays... the freaking Devil Rays...

heading out for a weekend of fun in chicago... does not suck. not possible. I'm sure it will be a good time, lots of story telling, drunkenness and such... ah, can't wait for the Not-Sucking, Time that will be had...

....



and on to other things...

to bring some funny:



QcOnline.com

Officials ask Iowans to burn wood not treated for beetle

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) -- Iowans who bought a certain brand of firewood are asked to burn it as soon as possible because it wasn't properly treated to keep out a destructive insect called the emerald ash borer.

The Taylors Wood Products Inc. firewood was sold through the hardware chain Menards, according to the Iowa Department of Agriculture.

'Emerald ash borer is a destructive beetle that has the potential to devastate Iowa's ash trees,' Iowa Agriculture Secretary Bill Northey said in a statement. By burning firewood from the Springfield, Ill.-based company, he said 'Iowans can help slow the spread of this killer beetle.'

The firewood bundles found in Iowa contained wood pieces that had not been debarked, meaning they were not compliant with a federal quarantine, according the Iowa State University Extension's Web site.

While the beetle has not been detected yet in Iowa, Northey said is poses 'the most serious threat to Iowa's forest and urban ash tree population since Dutch elm disease more than 30 years ago.'

The U.S. Department of Agriculture issued an emergency action notice to Menards a week ago to remove the firewood from its sales areas, and has issued a national recall on all Taylors wood, Northey said.

The beetle was first identified in 2002 in Michigan, and is blamed for the more than 25 million dead or dying ash trees there. A handful of other states, including Illinois, and parts of Canada are also battling the emerald ash borer. ///end

Nevermind; I've been laughing about this for a while. The Taylor's brand comes on a skid, about 110 packs, individually wrapped, with a bright yellow card, reading: "Mold and Bug Free!". About every third package I unload is either teeming with some sort of roach-iguana hybrids; or is completely blue and green with mildew and mold growth. Quality. It stinks like hog lot run off, and quite honestly, is priced pretty expensively. Customers like to tell me, that they would rather steal wood from people in town, than buy this stuff. So, after a while of me laughing; dumb asses buying it... this gem of a story breaks. Good riddance!

Anyhow... I'm way over due on putting up a post about vomit. So. In the spirit of me taking a weekend away, feel free to send in any other great stories involving the V-juice. I know I've got a few... If someone has one thats really good, I'll run it too.


And Sayōnara means the Yankees suck!


//// out \\\\

I'm sorry... I've been slacking lately... Several of you have been crawling up my ass because I haven't enriched the blogging world with the latest and greatest Tales of Davenport. For your pleasure, I present, the Saga of Ron Van Fossen; Davenport Alderman...

Quad City Times, via QCTIMES.net

Van Fossen jailed shortly before special meeting

By Kurt Allemeier | Wednesday, April 11, 2007

(63) Comments | Rate this article | Default | Large

Davenport Alderman Ron Van Fossen, 1st Ward, was booked into the Scott County Jail on Tuesday less than an hour before a special City Council meeting.

Van Fossen — scheduled for trial Friday on charges of domestic abuse assault — was sentenced to seven days in jail Tuesday on contempt violation of a no-contact or protective order for a February violation of the no-contact order involving his estranged wife.

He was booked into the jail at 4:18 p.m., shortly before the council began meeting on whether to reorganize the city’s legal staff.

Van Fossen, who recently returned from an alcohol rehabilitation center in Minnesota, has said he will not resign his council position. Along with the criminal charges, he is also involved in a complaint by a city employee alleging sexual harassment.

Van Fossen has been criticized by former Mayor Pat Gibbs, who has called for the alderman’s resignation. Gibbs, who was narrowly defeated by Van Fossen for the seat in 2005, asked Mayor Ed Winborn to appoint him and promised to petition for a special election if he was not appointed.

Van Fossen, 63, was arrested Feb. 13 at the Enchanted Inn, 4815 S. Concord St., for the violation of a no- contact order related to an incident from the previous night when he allegedly forced his way into his estranged wife’s home and shoved her, causing her to strike her head on a refrigerator.

Debra VanFossen she suffered a head injury that required treatment.

Kurt Allemeier can be contacted at (563) 383-2360 or kallemeier@qctimes.com.

RECENT TROUBLE

Davenport Alderman Ron Van Fossen’s recent incidents:

Feb. 12 — Arrested for allegedly forcing his way into his wife’s South Concord Street home and shoving her into a refrigerator. He denies the allegations.

Feb. 13 — Arrested again for allegedly violating a court order of protection by entering the Enchanted Inn on South Concord where his wife was.

Feb. 21 — Reports a burglary at his Enchanted Island home after discovering an attache case containing $5,000, a shotgun and a box of ammunition are missing.

Feb. 27 — Suffers a mild heart attack and is hospitalized.

March 2 — News becomes public of a civil rights complaint alleging sexual harassment filed by Cynthia Webb, an administrative assistant to the City Council.

March 3 — Enters an alcohol treatment program at Hazelden Foundation’s Center City, Minn., campus.

April 2 — Leaves alcohol treatment and attends the City Council’s Committee of the Whole meeting.

April 10 — Sentenced to seven days in the Scott County Jail for violation of a protective order.

Alderman pleads guilty to domestic abuse charge

By Kurt Allemeier | Saturday, April 14, 2007

(37) Comments | Rate this article | Default | Large

Davenport Alderman Ron Van Fossen pleaded guilty to simple domestic abuse assault and was sentenced to 20 days in jail Friday for attacking his estranged wife in an incident at her home in February.

All but two of the 20 days were suspended and will be served concurrently with the seven-day sentence he received and began serving earlier this week for violating a no-contact order. The no-contact order protecting Debra Van Fossen was extended.

Under the plea agreement, the 1st Ward Alderman also was sentenced to one year of unsupervised probation and ordered to complete the Domestic Violence Batterers Education Program. Scott County Sheriff’s Department officials say he isn’t segregated from the general jail population. He is taking medication for a heart stent, according to the jail booking sheet.

Van Fossen, 63, was to go on trial Friday morning for the domestic battery charge. About an hour after the trial was scheduled to begin, Scott County District Judge James E. Kelley entered the courtroom to announce the plea agreement. Van Fossen didn’t appear in court.

He has said he won’t resign from the Davenport City Council, but his legal woes aren’t over when he leaves the Scott County Jail. He is also involved in a sexual harassment complaint filed by a city hall employee.

Also Friday, Davenport resident Don Stevens Jr. delivered to City Hall a petition signed by about 20 1st Ward residents, urging the Davenport City Council to remove Van Fossen from office for “behavior unbecoming of an elected official” and his arrest and jailing.

Police say Van Fossen, 63, forced his way into his estranged wife’s home and shoved her Feb. 12, causing her to strike her head on a refrigerator. Debra Van Fossen obtained a no-contact order against her husband the next day when he was arrested for violating it.

In that incident on Feb. 13, he went to the Enchanted Inn, 4815 S. Concord St., where his wife was. She immediately left the establishment. He suffered a mild heart attack in late February.

The alderman appeared in court Wednesday for violating the no-contact order. Four witnesses testified and a judge ruled that the order was violated. He was sentenced to 180 days in jail, with all but seven days suspended.

Van Fossen went into alcohol-treatment program in Minnesota last month. He returned earlier this month, saying he was sober and even had cut down on his smoking.

Since his domestic abuse arrest, his home was burglarized, with $5,000 cash, a shotgun and ammunition reportedly taken.



\\\===end===///

So for any of you that missed it; this is a wonderful alderman from Davenport who, like some of the other Court Jesters [ahem; Keith Myers], seems never to be satified with fucking up. Here he is, in his glory, fresh off beating his wife [allegedly], with a sex suit on his hands, with a past history of a DWI, he decides to go galavanting around... until he got popped... just minutes before a city council meeting. Nice. Real nice. Ron, you are one classy gent, you! Cheers to getting banged around in a jail cell on company time.... errr... tax payer dime!

I've added a link to one of the best baseball blogs thats out there right now...

honestly people it is....

its Curt Schilling's.

Its probably the best because, if you know anything about how he pitches, and what he does to keep prepared to face hitters, this is the bar-none, best access you'll get to that information. Plus hes funny. He also interacts with fans as well. Its always a good read, especially the days he pitches and does a recap of what went on.


Anywho.

Curt Schilling. 38Pitches.com

Imus, shmi-mus. Fuck that old bag.

"Here he goes again," you're are all thinking... But really. Fuck Imus. Fuck him because hes rich, hes white, and hes right. "So thats where hes going with this." Yeah. Fuck him becuase hes got about the best damn job on the planet; and he has everyone listening [now atleast] to what he says. He does one thing: talk. And now, hes got all of you listening. How much more successful can you get? Besides that. The guy was the definition of a Cocaine Addict. He beat that too. Hes been zen master, one with the blow, better than skank bag Paris Hilton on a tape, and he beat that too. Lets face it. Hes also rich. Filthy, mother fucking rich. And now everyone, magically, hates him. But let me get back at the point; hes white and hes right.

He is white. Being such, he gets a free pass on several things that black people can't get. Drug addiction, sexual vices, and the generic "good life." Yeah. Hes free to do drugs, buy hookers, and live it up, really without black folks caring too much about what he does. Hes white, hes earned it. Oh no? Well. Bill Clinton, Marv Albert, and most of Hollywood disagree. So does much of Congress. And the federal penetentary system. See. He gets nailed to the floor for a few things that blacks don't though; one of those things is having an opinion loud enough to be heard. Which, as a radio broadcaster, is a foregone conclusion... what he missed was the second card; hes not allowed to talk about race. Because hes white, because hes on drugs, and because he lives the good life; he cant talk too loudly, and it sure as shit better not be about race. At large, its plainly acceptable for blacks in our country to have loud, explosive, devicive opinions from anyone else [read 1970's black power movement, Louis Farakan, gangster rap music]; but people shouldn't hear what he has to say. Again, hes a member of the mass media; so what he says is now important... and what he said was something about race. Black people are allowed to talk about it. Whites aren't. Lets face it, in the post Rodney King, OJ is innocent, Duke Lacrosse, days, we expect the race issue to be raised; when in conflict. The thing is, Imus can't touch it. But he did. He picked it up. He ran with it for 45 seconds. And look at all the shit that happened. He threw the entire world out of whack for about 4 days. Fuck Imus. Fuck that old bag. Because hes off to the land of milk and honey now. You know damn well hes heading to internet radio or satellite radio. Hes going to keep doing what he always has done, and keep getting paid for. Wah, wah, sponsers dropped out of his show.... well I can guarantee this, they will line up to be a part of it when he goes to XM or Sirius. Just wait for it. And really, thats how it should be. Its not like hes a Grand Dragon, with a white hood on... its just a shitty talk show, hosted by an old drug addict in New York City... its going to continue in one way or another, because there really isnt anything wrong with the show, or with him. Its just that hes white, and he talked about race. Thats all. Let the free market principle take over. Sell what sells. If an all Klan radio station could make money; it would be on! Look what porno has done for the internet people. Open your eyes to see that the guy speaks his mind, and people tune in to hear it. As long as its not about race. Then it takes about 10 days for anyone to remember a 45 second rant. Fuck Imus.

Right?

So maybe its time for the post, that none of you are really ever ready to read. eh? I took an inventory of the underwear I own. Yes. In all of its glory, those few words took your breath away; to replace it with vomit and repulse. Shake that feeling campers! Its just a reflex, in time, you'll move past this stage.... but currently on stage; my underwear.

Is it a collection? See, I really hope not. A collection implies something of a static, stick pins holding it to velvet, type of on the wall display... really, we're talking about the pile of yarns I was shocked to know I owned, come laundry day. Yes, I do laundry on a regular basis, but for some reason the idea of idiotic inventory levels has been floating in my brain. The same brain that says; really 18 plastic bags in my room is really too many. The same brain, that says; "I should come up with a system to rotate my clothing now that its about 83 degrees outside again." So here I am. Annnnnny way. I started doing laundry tonight, then set off for parts yonder, to rummage through storage totes of clothing. What I was looking for were all my warm weather clothing that I displaced to rapidly find my sweatshirts and longsleve t's for this year. [Why only this year? Well at this point last year, I was selling copiers; the only thing I could wear were dress shirts and suit coats.... and everything from before then, that I wore at Iowa, was packed up in a rush in totes and left to sit in storage] As I'm grazing through one anonymous bin after another, I start to run across other clothes. Clothes I didn't know I still had. Clothes that I thought, I'd parted ways with long, long ago. Alas!

With my arms loaded I returned home to do, yet even more, laundry! I managed to find a few t shirts of bands, and a couple pairs of pants I'd wanted for a while [namely my cords and my khaki paratrooper pants], and a pile of boxers. Yes, a pile. I had patterns I never remembered wearing. Well, not for a long time. Lots of plaids. Anyways, I started washing all that shit, and returned to my room to fold and put away the first batch... the batch I have been wearing. Thats when I realized it. I have too many pairs of boxers. I really do. My underwear is out of control. There, more words to bring that vomit reaction again. But yes, my underwear is out of control, and I know it. When it was all said and done, I counted 36 pairs. Fuck me. 36 fucking pairs of boxers. Thats rediculous. Thats unnecessary. Thats woman-like. But, here is my MONTH PLUS supply of boxers, washed and ready to go. And, I'm not all that sure I'm uncomfortable about, ahem, the comfort they give me.

Yeah yeah, aside from the killing trees, dolphins, and third world workers; my stock pile gives me some descent flexibility on future laundry dates. Really, now, I'm just bound by what I have to wear to Menards. Otherwise, I could litterally go for a month without doing any. Assuming I can get about 3 days out of a pair of pants; and that I break out my cords and khakis to flesh out my denim.... but its sickening to think, that I sat and bought it all. But I couldn't have. Its just not like me to have THAT freaking much on hand. White t shirts? Sure. They get nasty, they are fairly cheap, and once they stretch out I really don't like them. So I have alot of those, and the requisite 1 spare package [un opened] on hand. For funerals [mine or otherwise] and the like where it could be important to need a fresh shirt. Socks? Shit yes. I have alot of socks. Really because, I don't throw them out. I've got socks, I've probably had since junior high school. I've got socks with holes, socks with no mate, and socks that I don't think are mine. But they are all loaded in that drawer. But my underwear count freaks me out. I mean, yeah, I buy a few pairs whenever I need to replace some. Yes, I own two lucky pairs, for the occasions when I hope to get lucky. But thats really understandable. 36 pairs, however, is not. So when I was counting and folding, I started thinking about where the hell it all came from. Sadly enough, I can recount for most of it. MOST. But its crazy like that. That I have a pile of boxers, to clothe a platoon, at any time.

Not that I ever envisioned my blog to be someone else's blog... but holy shit. Here are a few great news excerpts I ran across today that I really just had to get up here.... I'll link them instead of posting the entire articles...


Memjet. [hint, go buy stock in them NOW]. To Release a printer with exceptional speed, function, and correct valued ink!!!! Check out the video of how fast it goes... all that for under $300 come production time!!!!

ESPN. [Steve Alford: Aloha means, I'm outta here!]. Is now set to become the new Head Coach at that mecca of basketball... New Mexico. Good luck with that. Remember, Iowa is the place that cut down, then relocated, and dropped the prices of the student section... and its still empty most nights.... not girls basketball night empty, but you get the idea.

Well I lied, I've got to drop one good article up here... In my continuing series of: Getting Arrested In the Quad Cities.... I bid you to give a warm welcome to; Mr. Esteemed Colleague, and Latin { YES... L A T I N } Professor.... Busted on Pot Charges! Glad to know that someone was on drugs, that thought it was possible for me to memorize all those paradigms!


Posted: QCONLINE.COM
Posted Online: Posted online: March 22, 2007 8:27 PM
Print publication date: 03/23/2007

Augie prof, wife charged with growing pot

By Jonathan Turner, jturner@qconline.com

Photo: Submitted Emil Kramer

Photo: Submitted Susan Kramer

An Augustana College professor and his wife were arrested on drug charges Wednesday, after Davenport police said they discovered marijuana being grown in the couple's basement.

Emil Kramer, 42, and Susan Kramer, 43, of 1124 W. 9th St., Davenport, were arrested after police responded to a residential burglary call.

Several pipes and glass bongs -- consistent with those used in smoking marijuana -- were found in the home, according to police. Tests on residue from one of the pipes were positive for marijuana.

The couple had seven marijuana plants in various stages of growth in their basement, police said. Their home is also within 1,000 feet of Jefferson Elementary School.

Mr. Kramer is an assistant professor of classics at Augustana and Mrs. Kramer is an administrative assistant in the education department, according to the college Web site.

Each was arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, drug possession and delivery of marijuana, and failure to make drug stamp tax payment. The marijuana plants were not affixed with the proper tax documentation, police said.

Mr. Kramer was free late Thursday on $19,500 bond, and Ms. Kramer was free on $19,825 bond, according to the Scott County Jail.

College spokesman Kirby Winn said Augustana officials had been informed of the arrests and "will monitor the status of the investigation as charges are brought."

The college does not have a set policy regarding charges for drug use -- or any crime for that matter -- that occurs off campus, Mr. Winn said.

"There is a point where the institution would intervene, but it's really too early with regard to this situation to tell what that would be," he said.

Augustana does prohibit the "unlawful manufacture, distribution, dispensing, possession, or use of controlled substances" anywhere on college premises or property, or as part of any college-related activity, such as a trip, Mr. Winn said.

Any employee or student of the college found to have violated this rule will be subject to disciplinary action up to and including dismissal, according to Augustana's handbook.

Any employees must notify their supervisors and the business office of any criminal drug statute conviction for a violation only occurring on college premises or as part of any college-related activities, the handbook says.

Take two things that are awesome as fuck, put them together....


and you get....



The Ninja Turtles Going Metal As Fuck!!!!





go youtube.com!


and btw....

I STILL OWN the cassette tape of when the 'Turtles did the whole Rock gig...

Hookers Getting Busted, Davenport Chamber of Commerce Thinks To Its Self, 'O What A Wonderful Life!'

Posted Online: Posted online: March 14, 2007 8:49 PM
Print publication date: 03/15/2007

Six arrested on prostitution charges

By Brian Krans,

Davenport Police officers arrested six people in a sweep of alleged prostitutes and their clients Wednesday.

The Tactical Operations Bureau hit areas they say are known for drug and prostitution activity in the downtown area, in the 300 block of Brown Street, according to court records.

Undercover officers were allegedly propositioned by women while surveillance units allegedly observed "Johns" picking up and propositioning women.

According to court records, Christine G. Grafton-Lindell, 28, of 528 W. 6th St., Davenport, was arrested with John M. Schultz, 28, of 4654 Madison Ct., Davenport. Police allege they observed him pick her up in the 300 block of Brown Street around 2 p.m. The two then went to a semi-trailer parking area -- "a popular place for Johns and prostitutes to go" -- and had sex, according to the affidavit.

Both Ms. Grafton-Lindell and Mr. Schultz were charged with loitering for prostitution.

According to court records, also arrested and charged in the bust were:

- Dale Pataska, 59, of Mile, Iowa. An affidavit states he agreed to pay Amber L. Bishop, 25, of 530 N. Ripley St., Davenport, $30 for sex in the 500 block of W. 9th Street. Both were charged with prostitution.

- Ms. Bishop also was charged with possession of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia. Police allege she had a crack pipe and a generic form of Xanax on her without a prescription.

- Kimberly Lynch, 21, of 510 Liberty St., Muscatine, was charged with prostitution after offering to perform a sex act for $20 in the 1600 block of W. Third Street. She also was charged with harassment for allegedly giving police a false name to hide a warrant from Muscatine County.

- Angel M. Brown, 25, of 1526 Kirkwood Blvd., Davenport, was arrested on outstanding warrants for several counts of prostitution and operating while intoxicated.

All those arrested made first court appearances in Scott County District Court Wednesday morning. Further court dates were unavailable.

Photo: Submitted Christine G. Grafton-Lindell, prostitution charges

Photo: Submitted Angel Brown, prostitition charges

Photo: Submitted Kimiberly Lynch, prostitution charges

Photo: Submitted Amber Bishop, prostitution charges

Photo: Submitted John Schultz, prostitution charges

Photo: submitted Dale Pataska, prostitution charge

.... Of course, there are other rediculous things out there I could talk about.

I suppose something that makes me just shudder in the thought of how stupid its become: Reunion Tours. Yes. I'm talking about the tendency of all things musical to turnaround 9 years after they break up and do a money grubbing reunion tour. Or, tours. See. Kiss thought they were doing something original when they did it... by it, I mean the endless parade of reunion, last of, no more coming back, cash grab tours. But now its not only popular, but its probably expected. I mean, on the one hand, I am stoked about possibly going to see Ronnie James Dio with Black Sabbath errrrrrr Heaven and Hell; something smells a tad bit funky about it all... since they did this once before you know. Then there is Immortal. A horridly humorous black metal band that decided to come back and tour... some more. Which Immortal is only of note because of THIS, the single greatest music video evvvvvver! [or this version, set to the Benny Hill theme song!] Or a how about Audioslave splitting up, so that Rage Against The Machine can have their reunion tour, and the rumored Soundgarden reunion can happen. sigh. Its all becoming so tired. Even the "Alice In Chains" reunion, which ofcourse is missing one important person... seems rediculous... almost to the point of Iowa State Fair Grand Stand Show embarrassament... soon there will be a tour of the Jackson 5, with Tito and a few puppets... and maybe some boy Jacko molested, will wear the Captain Crunch jacket. its just bad... rediculously bad..

So in the news.... [trying to avoid the point that shit like this does seem to happen outside of Florida],I ran across this gem. And really how could I avoid it? It involves the elderly, improvised weapons, and a new Thunderdome attitude thats been lacking among the Social Security Sect of late....

Linked from QCONLINE.com.

Police: 76-year-old beat 81-year-old with hammer

Comment on this story

Photo: Submitted Richard E. Johnson

Davenport police arrested a 76-year-old man today, alleging he hit an 81-year-old woman in the head with a hammer.

Richard Edison Johnson, 76, a resident of the Davenport Lend-a-Hand complex at 401 w. 3rd St., is charged with attempted murder. Police say he hit Elizabeth A. Alwine, 81, several times in the head with a hammer after an argument in the building's smoking area. She also is a resident of the complex.

The incident occurred about 11:30 a.m.

Ms. Alwine was taken to Genesis East Medical Center, where she was treated and released. .

Mr. Johnson is being held at the Scott County Jail on $32,500 bond.

[end]


and in a breath.... FUCK YES. Old people knocking the crap out of each other at the 'home! YESSS this really is my dream come true. And only one thing could possibly make it better; the MUGSHOT GOODNESS! Complete with the shit eating grin that just smears... "I Really Have No Idea Where I Parked" God dammit! All I have to do is let people be people, and they will relieve the tension in my life for me. Old people, cursing, bag of hammers.... instant Thunderdome! Golden.

Oh. I learned a new word the other day. Errrrr noun, I should say. "Turd Spoon" Figure it out? See, I'd have made the assumption it was some sort of sexual slang; its not. Aunt Jemima showed up at the store the other day; looking for a new toilet. She plugged hers up. Now, I dont know about you, but I've had some nasty poops, but never have they been candidates for Disposeable Toilet status.... back to Turd Spoons. So she was asking me about the old one; naturally, since its plugged [and not with paper!], how does she do removal and installation. I scratched my beard, and looked away. She let the awkward silence sit for a second, then started mumbling about needing a pump or something to transfer it to the new one [and my goodness, why wouldnt you do such a thing?!?!?]; and looked me dead in the eye, and ask if I sold "Turd Spoons." I got that grin that I can get. That one thats half Grinch, half mother-fucker, and topped off in Raisinettes.... "I'm not sure I've heard of that, is that a brand name product?" I let fly... Well no, it wasn't. She didnt think. But something, I guess, exists in her mind, somewhat akin to a soup ladel, specially designed for turd transfers. She calls it a Turd Spoon. I call it, another freaking rediculous thing from menards.

I mean really... there could be a long list. But lets start with the Japaneese, shall we?

From This Article [copied below]

Slow Life, Slow Sex: Twelve steps to stopping sexlessness

[Using the masturbation technique, coupled with the Eye To Eye Step 3]

Dr. Kunio Kitamura was born in 1951. He graduated from Jichi Medical School and through his 30 years of research, is now the "voice of Japanese sexuality." Among his many books are "Shiawase no Sex (Happy Sex)," "Piru (The Pill)" and "Karada no Hon (The Body Book)."

Ending the undignified state of sexlessness isn't simply a matter of saying, "Right, let's go at it then," and racing off to the nearest bed. And even if you complain that masturbation is pretty ridiculous as it fails to give you somebody else's warm touch, it will never bring your spouse to your bed. It's pretty easy to see what lies behind the problem of middle-aged sexlessness -- communication. But communication problems are easy to talk about and difficult to solve. So that's where British zoologist Desmond Morris's 12 steps to ending sexlessness. There's no need to hurry. All you need to do is follow the 12 simple steps that lead to a final goal of having sex.

The first step is From the Eyes to the Body. Gaze at your partner until you start thinking, "Gee, that's a bit of all right." The second step is From the Eyes to the Eyes. Wait until your eyes meet, then stare at each other. If you feel uncomfortable, avert your eyes. Stage three is From Voice to Voice. Tell your partner about a great new restaurant and invite them to dine with you there. If they agree, you move on to stage four and touching. The next stages are From Hands to Hands, From Arms to Shoulders and From Shoulders to Waists. As the touching becomes more intimate, the amount of skin contact being made broadens. By stage seven -- From Mouth to Mouth -- you've moved on to kissing. Then, there's From Hand to Head, From Hand to Body, From Mouth to Breasts and From Hands to Genitals. Needless to say, the 12thand final stage is From Genitals to Genitals.

Some readers may see this process and think, "I don't have to go through all that rigmarole, do I?" or "Do I really need to be so touchy?" You shouldn't mention these things. Instead, why not take the opportunity to remember how you met your partner.

Shame, surprise, awakening, laughing and cry -- you once went through a whole lot of different emotions with nobody but your partner. The partner may not be somebody like (South Korean heartthrob actor) Bae Young-joon, but they are your partner, so why not go back to the beginning and try over again? I'm sure you'll find that if you do, you'll be in for a wonderful 2007. (By Dr. Kunio Kitamura, special to the Mainichi).

[end]

And if that doesn't scream to you, then you're dead inside. Scratch that... "obviously" is your genitals that are dead inside. Shame on you Dr. Nameless Japaneese Guy; you spent a career stratifying and mapping out what I called; HIGH SCHOOL. Eessh. Even the smack he lays out against masturbation... in typcial subtle Japanese explantion style.. "if you complain that masturbation is pretty ridiculous as it fails to give you somebody else's warm touch, it will never bring your spouse to your bed" Really? REALLY? Oh yeah. You're right. Thats probably why I'm stuck masturbating in bed by myself anyhow, because that wife of mine got mixed signals. I always figured, laying in bed, masturbating away, would do nothing but yield favorable increases of sexual encounters? What, thats creepy? Oh. Wait. Even Japan calls this absurd, Japan, home of 1039 men ejaculating on womens faces, Japan, home of the second most shit-porn consuming nation [second to Germany], even Japan, who finds old men bedding 9 year olds low brow, but legal, happens to find the practice of lying around expressing your masturbatory prowess; a poor attempt at a mating... I'm not sure where I drawn the line... at the Japanese social scientist researching this, or the mental image of a man laying in bed furiously masturbating away in hopes of attracting a mate--- errrrr a state of atleast mild un-sexlessness.... I'm not sure which is more absurd. Probably the masturbation thing. Probably.

Also, in my course of study.... err attempts at getting laid; Step 3 and Step 4, as identified, have always seemed a logical jump... Not so? Remember this is the Voice to Voice step, followed by the Touching Step. Got it. As he suggests, I should ask about a new restaurant, let them agree, then starting copping a feel. Got it. I honestly thing the masturbation thing might have more success. Really. I think I'll have better luck walking around masturbating, rather than waiting for this situation to work with someone, asking "Hey, have you eaten at Mongolian Grill?" ... "You HAVE?" ...[gropes].... [gets punched in the face]. See why this made the Things That Are Absurd post?

Keep in mind, somehow, that this is a 12 Step Program to remove Sexlessness.... 12 Steps also, oddly enough, rids alcoholism... I digress...

Oh... but there are more golden nuggets from the good doctor... "Shame, surprise, awakening, laughing and cry -- you once went through a whole lot of different emotions with nobody but your partner." Huh? I would say that honestly, if I found out the mating ritual involved masturbating on the bed, I think Shame, Surprsie, Awakening, and Laughing would all be emotions I'd feel. Its too good to pass up on this. Really it is... Anyhow... I'm going to ride out my luck with this masturbating thing.....

OUT

so when i step up to the microphone... it comes out a little something like this...


popin with the smack, readying to back track... here i am, and where have you been? seems like the only way people seem to notice im not around, is when there just is gigantic lulls in my bloglike activity. whatever. im here. the world is queer. what else do i need to say.

ive discovered something that all men who read this should go to and check out...


EXECSHIRTS.COM


absolutely the best way to donate 50 bucks to some money grubbing company. it does 3 things that i like, all rather well at the same time... first it gets me something nice... namely a custom sized dress shirt... seriously... if i go to the high and wide store, its difficult to buy that much cloth to roll my fat ass in... to get it into a shirt, then made to fit, then in styles id like... fucking gold. second... it exploits people in other countries. seriously, what is not to like about that? some thai whore-wash-out is making me a shirt! solid gold. third, its all over the internet. even better. net-commerce is a great thing. especially for something like this. i dont mind shopping... i dont.. its my most metrosexual fault that im aware of, but i dont like shopping at the mall stores where things never fit, where i deal with annoying people, and who knows how many people had sex in the pair of pants im trying on, before i did? see. that and the horrid music piped in these places... if its not some gay mix... errrrrrrrrrrrrr modern emotionally charged guitar inspired songs, its some whiny pop bitch, or some niggah thug rap music. none of which i enjoy. and i enjoy them all signifficantly less, when im doing things i dont like anyhow... so. internet commerce. a glorious thing. but the shirt fits well... took about a week to get [i paid the 10 bucks for expediated shipping], and it looks like it cost alot more than it did. seriously. all men, over 21 should own a nice, well fitting shirt, preferably with french cuffs. this is a great way to do it.

onto other things.... things that fucking twerk my gerk. or whatever the hell a gerk is. forget i said that. shit that puts me in a fit..

buying fucking games on cd... where the cd does nothing. case in point... .Red Orchestra. a fucking fantastic game, based on the soviet front of the second world war. thats good. based on the steam protocol for EVERYTHING. thats bad. contains two cds for installation, cd labeled DISC 2 is actually disc 1, cd labeled DISC 1 is actually disc 2. thats worse. still sitting here, 8 hours later, waiting on god damn Steam to let me down load a game, i just purchased, contained on two cds, but wont let me play. THE FUCKING WORST. seriously get a clue people. bounce me to the online service to validate my game... but dont sell me cds with installs, but force me to download it... i bought it so i wouldnt HAVE to wait on steam to download it. see my ire? but here i sit, pulling 68 k/sec for hours to get this game i thought i purchased.

fucking asshat [thats for you Ed] municipal snow plow operators. why? because i spent 2 hours shoveling this afternoon, and you all fucked it up in 3 minutes. weve got about 4 inches of snow, which is melting, and each shovel full weighs about 60 pounds right now.... so heres to another hour of breaking my back, to fix what you do. that and try to find a curb buddie. i dare you! while you do the best work of your shift plowing in people, you never seem to find 5 feet and closer to a curb when you should. god fucking dammit. i just dont believe it. that and youre getting 5.7 mega overtime pay per hour too Snowplow Driver Guy. besides which... you are in league with...

mr. god damn immigrant concrete laborer. why do you make the list, its february? because. fuck you. remember about 8 months ago, when you all decided to rip out my street on a whim? not even telling the city of Davenport when and why? yeah. when you replaced it, your hired help, which probably cant speak english, nor read municipal building code, decided to finish the concrete to grade.... in reverse. yes. water now is pooling in the street... in places its about 6 inches deep. and the storm water grate is about 8 feet away, sitting roughly 4 inches HIGHER than the plane of the street. see any problems Juan, Jorge, Miguel, or Manny? nope me neither.

hell, Daimler-Chrysler 5 Star Service Shops, get on the fucking list too. in the last two months, ive taken Big Red to you, and youve found a magnificent way to rip me for 280 bucks, and 210 bucks, for a repair that took you about an hour each time, with a part, you allegdge to be the cluprit, that costs less than 30 dollars. mega fucking shame on you ... you got on the list. yes.... it runs fine now. but does it really need to go down like that? every time? if at first you succeed, dont fuck them over the next time, they could notice it... thats my motto... you on the other hand.... or should i say, the other hand up your ass errrrrrrrr the Daimler Benz group has decided to put you all on the block, and sell you to... waaahahahahaha GM? good call. its like using a torpedo on a rubberduck.

to things that dont piss me off....

how about the idea of reliving the cd's you already own, but forgot about.. man.. i spent most of my time stuck indoors this weekend [hence the anger of the snowplows, and videogames] and spent some time combing through my stackds of cds... found some stuff i didnt know i had anymore... some other gems. but what a trip. in some respects its humbling. not the cds. but the emotions you attribute with certain cds. for whatever reason i found a cd yesterday morning that reminded me of getting dumped. it was one that i had in the car at the time, when she did it, id get real angry, drive around alot, then go home. all back when i was about 18. thats along time ago. and really, thats two big things ive really never thought about since then. that girl, and that cd. but by chance i ran across it. and its like everything was happening for the first time again. just weird how well we relate memories and events to innocuous things like songs that played in the background.

Red Orchestra finally fired up... im somewhat impressed. after a million hours to download what i purchased, i can finally play it. its a cross between DoD and Battlefield... the vehicles dont impress me really... the paitience it takes to fire them does! the in-game physics actually do account from some bullet drop and movement... its a challenge... like the iron sights on weapons... nothing goes where you shoot it; and for a game with this long of a draw distance [litterally twice what DoD is...] its nearly impossible to hit things more than 20 feet out. so far atleast.

should i talk about the Hole? maybe. lots of fun things are floating around at work. since jared left its been in somewhat of a dissarray... then they promoted me up.... now, if what i hear is correct, were going to have more personnel changes... great. im not sad to see soem people leave... errrrrrrrrrrrrrr get relocated because they cant do the job errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i mean step down. its just that its such a pain in the ass to do it all at once... you know? wait 9 weeks or so to get everything else aclimated first... but no... anyhow, for me not much changed. i really do exactly what i had been doing for the past 5 months or so... i just get the mammoth 50 cents / hour raise, and a store login to change inventory and such. ho hum at best. no really movement or responsibility yet. generally though, im unofficially required to do 45 hour weeks.... well see how that works out too in the long run.

thats about it... i want to get back to RO for the time being... as Rome says...


GOOD NIGHT NOW!

Becoming A Crack-Stitute! Learn my system to create your keys to financial success! Or, study at home to receive your certificate in: Office Transcription, PC Repair, Radiator Technician, Paint Salesmanship, Restaurant Management, or Parking Lot Attendant!



just a little something i wrote up... kind of along the lines of those infomercials about how to make great money in real estate... BUY MY BOOK, LEARN THE SECRETS IN 3 EASY STEPS TO YOUR FINANCIAL FREEDOM! that kind of stuff. anyhow...



Becoming a crack-stitute, in three easy steps! By the Scott R. Alvarado, School of Business and Management!


STEP 1: Move into the most notorious subsidized housing area in town, or find the most seedy industrial area of town or run down trailer court available; this will serve as your office space! Its also a great place to beging networking for additional clients once you are prepared!

STEP 2: Create a substance abuse issue! Feel free to choose a group to specialize in: Heroin, Crack, Cocaine, Meth, Collegiate Drugs [weed, alcohol abuse, cough syrup], Prescription Dugs [methadone, vicodin, ketamine, pyscho stimulants, tranquilizers, anti depressants], and Make-shift Drugs [solvents, gasoline, model glue, amonia, paint thinner, burnt wire coatings, markers]. Remember to specialize in one group, but feel free to experiment to find which group is for you! Two things to remember, once youre addiction becomes crippling and complete, youve found your match! Secondly, choose your addiction based on select factors; including race, age, and especially locality... Keep in mind that abusing exotic drugs for your locality brings up your status, we want to bring it down to the level of your potential customers satisfaction!

STEP 3: Create damaging relationships and prospects that will forever alter your life, and discourage any sense of self worth or skillset you may have had! While the drug abuse helps find friends, your locality should severly limit your choices for income once drug abuse has set in fully. Understand that the key to suck-cess, in this business requires that your last course of action really be your best course of action.... so sell yourself! Once battered and beaten with great levels of devaluation, with no income, in a terrible environment, with a keen addiction to illicit substances, youll find out how special your talents really are. Youll also help uphold the system in place around you, often finding others just like yourself to aid in your transition!

Enjoy!

well peeps... im here. ive been getting a lot of run lately about how i havent been posting anything. so... its time for me to bring the ruckus once some more. yeah. in no particular order...

memo to "Dee" dear dee, loved the interview on channel 8 news tonight [www.wqad.com] , your thoughts about the recently discovered remains of a dead friend really rang true to me... youre right, its terrible... she probably was in car, with a strange man, "turning a trick", to support her crack cocaine habbit just like you said... and her boyfriend and family will miss her. got it.! " .. signed Me.

for everyone else. a burned corpse was found in a desolate area of town this week. the humorous part of it all, if death can be funny, was this person named "Dee" which the local newsboobs interviewed. appearantly, "Dee", or whatever the hell your name actually is, told us the woman was a friend of hers, and had [assumedly] like herself, given into crack cocaine. she told us about how they went to rehab together. she told us how she was out prostituting for crack. then "Dee" drop the jaw breaker... even she was scared to go out turning tricks now. something along the lines of... i shit you not... "its so hard now and so scary to go out in these strange cars, and know you might never come home to see your boyfriend or your children... but the drugs just make you do it, and you find yourself turning tricks because of the drugs" yeah. about 37 things wrong with that logic. first off. just quit taking drugs. second. stay in rehab. third. why not get a job, it pays you money and it doesnt leave you much time to do crack. fourth. if you didnt live in the project downtown, your crack dollars would probably be at work paying rent in a real place, again, leaving you no money for crack. fifth. prostitution isnt a job. sixth. if you are friends going into rehab, being in rehab, and coming out of rehab, odds are they smoked crack too. seven! keeping friends that smoke crack, probably wont keep you from smoking crack... something you dont have time for [see the third thing]. eight. even if you werent a crack-stitute, getting in cars with strange people probably isnt a great idea anyhow. nine. the type of people that would pick up a crack-stitute geeeeeeenerally arent nice people themselves. ten. successful prostitutes cant afford to get pregnant. multiple times. its considered a career ending injury... or career begining.... hmm... eleven. did your mom pop coke? then why should your kids have a mom that does that? twelve. why would a boyfriend approve of you being a crack-stitute again? maybe its because of... thirteen. your boyfriend seems to be ok with whoring for crack part, but isnt there something wrong with that sentence? fourteen. if your only worried about the prostitution side of this lifestyle, maybe you should re-examine the crack smoking portion of this mess... fifteen. at what point was it ever safe to smoke crack, whore yourself, and go around with strange people, if its suddenly dangerous to do it now? sixteen. you lived in project housing... but with kids, crack addiction, whoring and a boyfriend, shouldnt that bump your tax bracket up to "low-scale trailer park?" seventeen. if you cite prostitution as your taxable income, do you figure crack addiction to be a business write-off? ... all right... so there we go... i could keep on this... but the point is.... smoking crack. with kids. screwing random dirty men, to buy more crack, while your boyfriend knows this sitting around at home, seems to be an all round bad situtaion. but its just rediculous. much like the Shricker Apartments.... this is the place that receives approximately 300 police calls per year... is nestled on the one block stretch between the davenport police department, and the scott county sherriffs office/jail and courthouse. sadly enough, there is a fire department stationed on an adjoining property. for those of you that cant fathom this... its just kind of how it is here.

id also like to run a shout out to my man... Radon Guy. Radon is poisoness, radioactive gas, released by decaying soil contaminants. radon has no odor, no color, and is the second leading cause of lung cancer. you, Mr. Radon Guy, take all shapes, colors and genders, but remain stupid. you run out to the store, buy the kit... sometimes calling it a radar kit. and then seem to think its too expensive to buy the kit to test if you have it, then seeing how the kit is 10 dollars plus lab fees, wont buy it. well, Radon Guy, today you surprised me. you showed up for this memorable scene at work...

Radon Guy - "hey buddy"
Me- is there something i can do for you
RG- yeah i got this radar tester, and it says i got radar in my basement
Me- huh.
RG - i need one of those fans.
Me- excuse me?
RG - yeah, i need that fan you put in to blow it out
Me- anti aircraft guns?
RG- no its a fan, and i have to get it
Me- radon gas... its not radar..
RG- you dont know what your talking about buddy, just listen to me, i need this fan right now, where the hell do you keep them
Me- .... we dont stock fans for that
RG- well why the hell not, i need one [starts pulling at his hair]
Me- well, venting out radon involves more than a fan... generally, licenesed professionals have to bore holes into the footings below the house, and run vent work, coupled with a fan... in addition to sealing crack and the cold joint the house rests on-
RG- so you mean to tell me you dont even have what i need
Me- putting a fan in the basement isnt going to do anything
RG- god dammit, why cant you just keep the stuff people need [starts getting very agitated, now yells] fuck it. im going to lowes.
Me- they wont have it either. the fan would just blow it around some i suppose. maybe agitate it.
RG- it WILL TOO! [Radon Guy stomps out]
My Boss- god what a moron
Me- yeah, well i suppose ill fill out the I MISSED A SALE form for that, since we dont stock radon fans... "Dear Corporate, I missed a sale on radon fans[?] because the we did not stock such items, for an immediate guest purchase"
My Boss- now why the hell would do a thing like that
Me- i dunno, radon guy is right, we dont have them do we


Dear Radon Guy. thanks for the memories. i hope you die in your sleep. lung cancer is a bitch. signed [me]

so we've killed saddam hussein.

on one hand, im suprised it took this long; yet on the other hand, im shocked as to just how quickly it was implemented after his conviction was upheld. all in all, its another bastard, mass murdering, despot off the books. im not so sure the world is really saddened by his passing. just as much as im not so sure the world was blessed by his presence either. at any level, and at any point in time; a m man is only so evil as the acts we view later. by all accounts, he did some very terrible things. he, as much as anyone like him, deserved to die. men like slobodan milosevic, augusto pinochet, who also died this year. the problem is, the "democratic" process of modern criminal trial were under way for some time with both of those men, but ultimately, was never finished. saddam was thrown around, convicted and killed in a nice neat manner. what bugs me about it, according to the video you can find on the internet [no, i wont link this one], [and yes, while it was staged, i believe it to be legitimately saddam hussein being hung], is the thuggish presence, and the child like glee involved in hanging a man. hanging a president [displaced], hanging the symbol of hates and fears of a nation we twice went to war with. the death does not bother me. but the scene feels like something out of 1922 southern alabama; not letter of the law, with prescribed measure, to condemn a man who brought murder to his own people. i can only imagine what a circus it really was like there. they used some complex which saddam had built to execute people in, for him. with seemingly 20 people in the gallows, multiple camera flashes going off, and people jumping up and down dancing and yelling. it looked like a mob lynching. just without the burning crosses. this is what bugs me. at the haugue we gassed and hung the nazis. in the cold war, we shot them or had them killed before they could be tried. in iraq, we deliver them means, but they choose the end. i cant say this is going to have a positive effect on anything over there. but he is dead. and i cant say the world will miss him.

George Clooney is out in the public eye again. Doing what? Looking sexy... dashing.... handsome... raveshing... doing some new pyscho-babble-under tone, under the surface film against the Bush administration? Growing out some more of his ever present cheese-grater stubble? No. He's out running his mouth off about Darfur. A shit hole, among shit holes, thats engulfed in a power struggle in eastern Africa. He went on to one of the morning shows [which I hate watching, but mom had it on as I was leaving], going on about how "hes been there... hes seen it... he knows we should do something about it." I laughed out loud. He walked around with a camera, the only white man in miles, and saw a refugee camp. Hes outraged. But he wouldn't go see any of the camps in and around Palestine, or Israel. No, just some shit hole in Africa. Hes running around, talking to anyone that might listen, who has either purse strings or political power, pleading how necessary it is for military action to take place to stop the suffering. I laughed again. Suddenly, a liberal is calling for military force. Suddenly, a liberal is calling for deployment into the middle of a huge shitstorm into a Muslim nation. Suddenly, a liberal wants us to return to Somalia. Because there is suffering. Maybe, and just maybe.... if he'd skip the Porsche some morning, and walk from his home high atop Mt. Olymp.... err the Hollywood Hills, and walk the streets of down town Los Angeles, hed find some suffering. He'd find a nice territorial border war going on in the streets... he'd find people living in the middle of it... and he might find a Muslim or two. But no, Africa is where we should go. Africa, dear Dr. Ross, is not where we should go. Africa, is and will be, the battleground for the third world. The same battleground that burns us for our exploitation of resources from the continent... the same grounds that harbour terrorists and extremists of genocide that put little Adolf off as amateur. The battleground, that was terrible of us to exploit for slaves. Its a place filled with people who have nothing, who fight for nothing, and a terrible desire to kill people for nothing. Africa, my dear man, is the last place we need to go. In my ideal concept, keep the wars for the petty on the largest island of poverty on the far side of the world. Yes, Africa is the mother country... mother to pain, civil unrest, and bloodshed. She will continue to be the battle ground of the third world, until there is no one left to kill. That, Mr. Clooney, is the reason why countries refuse to get involved in Darfur. This is a conflict with no end. Its a conflict that will draw out to be more unstable than Israel/Palestine, that will be fought bloodier than Iraq, and will consume more resources to sustain than the separated German states did. And for what? To challenge ourselves to the principles of democracy? To show ourselves, that we are true and steadfast to the cause of the free world? To help the less fortunate? To dispell the evil that exists in the world? What makes Darfur more attractive than any other struggle? Because they are black faces? Because they starve? Because they have never had democracy, and never shown that they wanted it? Because they have always existed in a border and culture war which outside nations have never understood. Pick your reason. As you and your liberal friends remind us so very often, this Administration fights wars for oil... show me some oil. Show me some money. Show me something, that you alledge, draws my interest and my convictions. Prove me wrong... Prove yourself right. If you can. Oh. Argue that we engaged in wars then, for our right reasons... of defending liberty and people who can not defend their own liberty with their own hands.... that argument. I ask you, what liberty ever existed in this region? Who asks us to intervene? No nation involved, wants the United States of America. They want her money. They want her guns for hire. But show me who is most deserving of "liberation" in this war you propose. I see a shit hole among shit holes. This war is the most recent war. Its unfortunate. Its terrible. Its hard on the people that live among it. But the best intervention at this point is non-intervention. Because it was the capitalist intervention and excursion into the Dark Continent, that brought about this war. They blame, like all problems in Africa, the Western powers and capitalist ventures of 400 years ago, as a key determinate of the problem. We heard this in Rwanda, Somalia, Ethiopia, Congo, Burundi before them. All of them blamed White Western nations for differing degrees of fault. If we haven't learned anything from Africa wars yet, then we should atleast realize this... stay out. In 40 years, a different dictator will come along, put the sword to some, unknown to us, ethnic group or clan... or maybe lay claim to territory neighboring his, and begin another war. Dawn a new day. But light it with the rays of yesterday. And still we don't see what it illuminated before.

-

WTF.






This is what I got for Christmas... jealous... Didn't think so.



























Who the hell thinks this is a present anyone would want to receive? Oh wait. Maybe the guy that owns the company.... Thats named after him.... Only he would decided to send you a clay Christmas village lightup model of the place you have to go to everyday to hear banjo music. Thankfully, the clay version of my store doesn't play the banjo music.... but with a file, and a trip to Radio Shack, I'm sure I could make it happen.

You know what... I really wish I'd keep up my penmanship. Really. The only time I really force myself to use good, legible longhand, is the Christmas Card season, and I hate that. Writting, by hand, really has no point anymore. And even if you come up with an occasion to do so, so many people of my age group can't write in cursive correctly, and most definitely can't read it. It's pathetic. Much like watches, we use only digital displays now. Appearantly the world moves so fast, all we can do is glance at a digital display, to spare us the precious miliseconds that we'd waste on a dial and recognition of its placement to interpret time. Sigh. Anyhow. Now that I'm done with Christmas Card season, I don't have much of an excuse to write anything. As usual, I go out, and buy a new set of pens, [God bless the Pilot pen company!], these are what I prefer , and I start out writting. Problem is, the first 4 to 5 letters look awful. To everyone that opens up their letters this year, to find something that a brain dead kitten wrote, I appologize. But it bugs me that I get that far out of practice. I remember the first year I did this, I had to look up how to write down certain letters in the alphabet. Seriously. The only time I ever use longhand anymore is to sign my name to something. I hate it. So now is the time of year, when I've gotten back into practice, but have no use. Eventually, I'll subside my rants... my cursive portion of the brain will atrophy, and I'll return to printing if I can't type something. Sigh. Eventually I'll be ok with it. I have to be. Just think, how many people actually carry a pen with them? A pen they use purely because it writes well... come on, stop lying. No one. You all carry pens, because they are cheap, free, or funny colored ink. And if you didn't have to sign a check, or a credit card slip, you probably wouldn't have them. Me? I carry a pen with me because it writes very well. Here again. I'm an idiot. I also carry a pocket watch. Sans digital output. In fact, that fucker is entirely mechanical in operation--- no batteries! How many people are like that, that you know? None. Here again, this is why I'm lonely and have no one to write to... Because there just aren't enough idiots out there like me any more. No one carries a nice watch, and no one has a freaking pen. And if they did, they dont have time to look at it, nor do they know how to write with it. Am I being too hard on people? No. Look at pants-holder-uppers. Two kinds; belts and suspenders [or braces as grandpa would call them], are really youre only choices. People use the belt. Why? Because they can't figure out how to adjust suspenders! Masterminding the process of assembling then self-attiring in suspender's exacberates the mind of modern Americans. So. We end up with the belt. A rope with holes in it. Really. Its a strip of dead animal with holes in it. Knots look tacky, so we find a way to fasten it to itself using holes. We got a rope, we got holes, we got ourselves a belt. Ta da. Thats a belt. Thats it. It doesn't require time, effort, or intellegence to operate a rope. Suspenders? Fuck!?! These have to button in first, then adjust... sometimes in 4 places, then you have to slide into them, putting them over your shoulders, and re-adjusting as needed. Too much. Give me the rope! Sigh. I also like suspenders. So the list grows. Suspenders. Pocket watch. Fountain pen. But I draw the line at the bowtie. I can't get behind that one. Only a group of men, with more seclusion than I can attain, can and do espouse the bowtie. Alas, its not for me. But I do have; suspenders, pocket watches, and fountain pens.

Posted Online: Posted online: December 15, 2006 10:27 PM
Print publication date: 12/16/2006

Teens accused of killing deer with snowmobile

Comment on this story

By Ben Botkin, bbotkin@qconline.com

ALEDO -- Three Mercer County teenagers allegedly used snowmobiles to pursue and kill a deer on Dec. 2, according to court records and an Illinois Department of Natural Resources officer.

The three boys were accused of unlawfully killing a deer with a snowmobile at 4:19 p.m. Dec. 2, according to the citations. The alleged incident took place southeast of 115th Avenue and 267th Street, an area outside Viola, court records said.

Cited were Travis D. Devriendt, 17, 1720 Knoxville Road, Sherrard, and two 16-year-olds, one from Viola and one from Sherrard, according to the citations. Two names were not being reported because the charge is a misdemeanor offense involving juveniles below the age of 17.

"Basically, these three subjects chased down a deer and killed the deer allegedly with a snowmobile," said Capt. Greg Hunter, a conservation officer.

Three snowmobiles were used during the incident, Capt. Hunter said.

The Class A misdemeanor charges are poaching offenses that carry fines of at least $500 each, Capt. Hunter said. The snowmobiles were impounded and are subject to forfeiture under the law.

Capt. Hunter said it's rare to see someone kill a deer with a snowmobile.

"It would not be a common event, thankfully," he said.

A court appearance is scheduled for Jan. 10.

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Seriously people, somehow this is news. This gripping headline was taken from the Rock Island Argus/ Moline Dispatch [its the same news paper, re-arranged with different titles] and its accompanying website: QCONLINE.COM Sons of bitches even got a link out of it. Anyhow. Kids, screwing around in snowmobiles [now that its been 50 degrees for a few days and the snow is gone] are chasing down and running over deer. That, my friends, is news. It doesn't mention it, although it should, but the steaming dungheap, that is the metropolis of Viola, are just shaking with fear. Kids! Snowmobiles! DEER!!! Obviously Hicktown, USA is going to hell in a handbasket... maybe some of the old people will lock their doors at night because of this. Maybe they will think twice about venturing out into the town late at night, knowing these hoodlums are racing about with a bloodlust for deer. Anyhow. Im in shock. Not about the deer thing. But how, ALLEGEDLY, this is what happened. Allegedly. Three kids, three snowmobiles, the middle of nowhere, a dead deer stain smeared over three snowmobiles; yet, ALLEGEDLY, this is what happened. I get it. The deer was dead. Possibly. It sprang to life, from its prexisting condition of being, allegedly, dead; where it suddenly jumped under the snowmobiles, one at a time, of three good natured kids, on their way home one night. Probably, they just found a dead deer in a snow bank, which, maybe, thawed instantly, so that when each, obviously, in turn, ran over the carcass, it decided to smear all over the place. Allegedly. Let me know how that works again. Deer stain smeared all over hell. Its warm. Maybe still moving. Three snowmobiles covered in deer fur and blood. Three kids whooping and screaming like they had the time of their life. Allegedly, they ran it over. Allegedly. Im in shock. First, that you can even come up with a plausible excused to require the use of ALLEGEDLY in this article, and second; that Viola has 267 named streets! pfft. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the real news story.

Espn.com has a [right this instant, atleast] front page article on Chad Greenway. After reading it I felt worse for him than I did when I saw the highlight on Sports Center several months ago. Just like when I saw Gallery had hurt himself pretty badly prior to training camp with the Raiders before his first year out. Regardless, its worth a read. It could have been a bit more in depth. But thats ESPN for you. Anyways Chad, eventhough its Minnesota, alot of us Hawkeye fans will still watch whenever you get in the game.

So while standing around at work today, it came out that I should talk about what bothers me. Sigh. I thought thats what I did here. Constantly. But maybe not in the way I should have. It came about while standing around, watching the idiots at work try to pick up one forklift with another that they had tipped and wedged inside the back of a semi trailer. As hilarious as that sounds, I'm sure it was somewhat dangerous. Probably because they have idiots involved, with heavy, diesel powered equipment, inside of a wooden trailer. But I digress. The point of the story is, that the girl in receiving had ample time on her hands to talk, as did I, watching a spectacle like that. We were going back and forth about alot of observations, and the lasting ones kind of ended up on my part. Summise to say, that she suggested that it was something I talk about.

I really don't see why. I think I have. I mean on here, I've given more than my share than what should be known. But I hesitate, not because I've said it before; but who am I saying it to, this time? Does it matter to anyone that reads this? Will it matter to me years in the future when I re-read this? Or is it just going to be some other phase I'm in... some funk... some perpetual thought process... me complaining... something like that. Is that how it will be understood? Perhaps, it is the point of being understood. But, returning to the point, I didn't really have a good answer for her today when she asked me why I didn't talk about it. I think, which is what I said, that it offended me deeply. It does. And naturally, I don't really like talking about that, when its out into open air. If someone offends me, I want to get to the point of that. The problem is, I never got that chance. When someone treats you like utter shit, you can NOT be anything but offended... or slighted... or used. Its that kind of feeling that I wan't to get out. I'm angry about it. But at the same time, its not that. Its about never getting a chance. For spite, being treated like shit, comes to mind... treating someone like shit that you knew to have feelings for you. I'm talking about ignoring that entire idea. Pretending that didn't happen. Arguing with them whenever they do anything. Always looking for a motivation to reject any overature for anything I might do. When, in simplest terms; I just really liked her. I thought I got along well with her. She made me smile. Yeah. Thats why. Or whatever. Being seen for face value, and openly rejecting that. Without a chance. In favor of... The choice that was made. Again, thats my personal opinion, that really doesn't belong out of my head. But ofcourse, I wan't my way. I want to argue my case. I think I was entitled to a shot, as much as anyone else was, and maybe more so. And it burns me up at times. Still. Months later. Thats kind of what we talked about today.

Its been in the back of my mind anyhow. Ever since I started listening to the lyrics of a song... called the Byronic Man. After doing some fact finding, I found that its a typeology of a character associated in classical brittish lit; especially that from the Romantic period; given by the name sake, Lord Byron. The Byronic Hero, as its conecptualized; includes elements of : [according to Wikipedia]

* having great talent
* exhibiting great passion
* having a distaste for society and social institutions
* expressing a lack of respect for rank and privilege
* thwarted in love by social constraint or death
* rebelling
* suffering exile
* hiding an unsavoury past
* ultimately, acting in a self-destructive manner

The concept was, at first, nothing of note. The only thing of particular interest, was why did they even bother to name such a character? But the more I read into it... The more I started thinking about how well I apply to it. No wonder I embrace certain iconic characters more closely than others; several of them show to greater extent, these types of qualities. Certain ones, maybe some more than other, I struggle with. And if any of the previous paragraph rant, about love and scorn should register, it would ring with the premise of becoming "thwarted in love." Its nothing. Or its something more base about myself, than I previously put much thought into before now.

It still leaves me with the conversation we had. More importantly, the answer to the unasked question, why does it bother me/ why do I still harbor resentment about it? The point was made today that, all people get burnt, all people have a hard time, all people have self doubt; yet all people move on. Which means nothing. Its not that Im not getting on, its not that I live curled up in self doubt, or that every day I turn this into a Scott's-life-is-too-hard game. In fact, my retort had something to do with; at those instances, where people are challeged with the fact of hard times, or challed at the point of self doubt, or are challenged to oblige misery; don't those times become pivitol in the formation of the REST of their life? Aren't those the defining moments that provide the point of change? She didn't seem to follow me. Maybe I reflect on S. and this entire fucking mess as being the point at which there has to be some turn. Maybe, after years of getting treated like trash, and never finding anything that has ever worked out in this sense, maybe thats why I focus on it. Because to me, I wanted it to happen. I wanted very badly for that to be come a positive point of turn; and instead it was a very negative one. She grasped the idea of it today, but asked me if that meant I was going to give up and go gay. I laughed. But with a straight face, I think about the giving up portion of it.

So here I am talking about it. Allegedly, this is the problem I have. I don't talk about it. Yet, what was there, in what I just said that was really worth mentioning? Anybody that reads this has little to no less respect, no more contempt, and no more control over the situation. The one that should read it, won't. And who the hell is that? Honestly, I don't know anymore. I could argue the object of my illrepute... I could argue that. But she doesn't care. I could argue that my friends should read it to understand me. But thats beyond understanding; it enganges in empathising if anything. I should say, the girl of my dreams should read this; but that probably isn't even logical. If its anyone, who should read this, its probably just me. Maybe thats what Jana meant when I'm supposed to talk more about it. It would be too easy to be angry to the girl I tried for... Just too easy to be angry, to be hurt, to ask why I'm no good, or why I never deserved a chance. It would be pointless to tell people that have no interest in me what so ever. Its laughable to think that my best friends could do any more for me than to listen to it, like raindrops on the rooftop. Its probably best that I act it out in my head. Its better that I keep it to myself some times. Its safer when I don't talk to anyone about it. Because, I guess, I'm a better salesman when I keep my mouth shut sometimes.

Its appearant, that I am quite passionate about a few things. Even if they are personal. Thats why I choose not to talk about everything. Because talking doesn't do anything, and a lot of times, it doesn't even make you feel better about it. I got burnt. I got jerked around, taken for my time, my effort, and my character. In return I gave back faith, understanding, loyalty, and genuine friendship. All I really lost was some money and some productivity at work. But figuritively, I suppose I damaged something else I'm not especially sure I wish to repair. I'm not sure I care enough to try to fix anything about it. On her side of the fence or my own, I mean. I'm not rushing to make with the good guy, uber winner, come off approach to her. I'm not going to get any lip service about how good of a person I really am, or how wrong people can be to people like me. I won't even get an appology for my feelings. But I'm not rushing out to change my feelings either. Its altogether wrapped and tied in the same package to me. I really do think, that I'm not interested in fixing any of it anymore. For her, or for me. Or anyone else for that matter. But I talked about it.