for the last time? 



quite possibly. the interview i have with the big name company on monday has a zero facial hair policy. not that i even want to work for them, just i cant afford to blow it off or anything. i have to go through with it, even if i decide id want to go for it later... or out of more desparation. regardless. "phil" my hiring guru, has twice barked at me that i need to shave. ugh. everything. ugh ugh. i cant even remember the last time i was totally clean shaven. i hated having sideburns to deal with. i hate trying to shave that spot under my nose on my upper lip. i have scars on it from cutting myself repeatedly. and quite frankly. i think i look like im 8. i dont like that. if i shave i look really, really young. 8. and im not kidding. and maybe if i dont look 8. just 15. i feel older. "phil" seems to think its bullshit. and its all in my head. he tried convincing me that i was a "youthful, good looking guy." it all sounded a bit like a gay come on. but. he knows more about this kind of game than i do. i went with him, because hes being doing professional placings for 30 years. i gotta trust him. hes odd. the first time i met him in person, he starts in telling me about his bouts of insomnia. appearantly he had fallen asleep in his car over the lunch hour, and my 2pm appointment came at the end of the first sleep hed had in almost a week. then there was the quirk of him only drinking soda from a cup. over the past week, i even offered him a can of diet pepsi, just to see if hed drink from the can. he refused. went and found a cup. and offered one to me too. strange man. however. after my friday interview, all i did was drop the company name on the phone, and he knew the hiring manager's first and last name, personality, hiring standards, leading questions, as well as how i did based on how she exited the room. according to "phil" i wont be getting a call back. i thought i did ok. maybe not exceptionally well. but ok. it was a first rounder. how bad could it have been? "phil" says they have 20 people vying for one spot. "youre out. you didnt do well, you didnt close. you just didnt have it. trust me kid, they have realtors there only because they are looking for hardcore sales and closing skills, and you dont have that right now. she knew it. so. big deal. we'll get you something else." and like that my day pretty well fucked out. i call him "phil" because im supposed to. hes a phillip. but he said "you can call me Phil now". like that means i will? im always leery of people telling me what to call them. "phil" too. i dunno. job searching bites. my mom said i should be quite proud of myself to have gotten in with 5 big places for face to face interviews in a weeks time. but really id just like a paycheck. that would make me proud at this point. no such luck. so going with "phil" on this one, ill shave. and a hair cut. he gave me that one too. my hair appearantly suggest something about me that says im "over easy, too relaxed, and unfocused" according to "phil" im starting to think he really wants to judge American Idol. regardless. shave and a hair cut.