i dunno.

i think.

and then i dont know.

i went for a long walk last night. real late. sometime after about 2am.

i was talking to someone... and i wanted to let go with too much.

so i had to shut myself up.

and i walked.

i ended up somewhere around the Oral B plant...

then i just sat and thought for a while.

came back home.

passed out in my clothes and shoes.

i woke up this morning.

it/they were still on my mind.

so all day i droned about.

trying not to think; but having my thoughts drift away anyway.

and i dont know.

i dont know anything more than i ever did.

but i know how i feel.

but does that count for much?

does what matters to me, matter much to you?

i just think outloud sometimes.

i like hearing it.

maybe it all makes more sense, if it sounds like someone else is saying it.

but im thinking it.

last night i wanted to say it.

but i kept it to myself.

i need to say it.

i need to say something.

it gets harder everyday not to.

and i want so badly to say something.

im tired of holding back what i feel, and what i want...

im tired of holding back myself.

i just want it the way it should be.

the way it makes sense.

the way that feels right.

nothing else ever felt so right in my entire life.

last night i thought about how things could be.

i thought i could live with certain things.

how i couldnt without others.

why cant it be that way?

why cant it be the way that we wanted it to be?

why cant it be the way that was natural for us?

why cant it just be for us?

but i say too much.

i think even more.