well. on a light note first. the new God Forbid album, The Constitution of Treason, fucking shreds. i keep getting more and more impressed with them the more i hear them. good shit. the opening lead for the first track screams impending metal. love it.

heavier notes.

. im checking out cars. its hard. in the past three days ive looked at well over 200 cars. in a 30 mile area. ive got it somewhat narrowed down. and before anyone says much, im buying something used. im only looking to finance about 10 grand, the job just isnt paying me enough to do more and feel comfortable. but i need something steady that i can drop miles on. something with some cargo space, that looks professional still, that i can take one or two people in, with comfort. 4 wheel drive is something im not really willing to part with. because i want something i can take off road. i guess, i want to be able to do it. and with a sedan i just cant. so weve been scouring the area looking for stuff. im pretty convinced an suv is the way to go. gas mileage aside, it fits everything else.

. car insurance on something like that is a joke. on my current grand am, i pay about 375 a year, it would spring up to 1500 on a 2000 Grand Cherokee. yeeeeouch. i do get one good note, that it will drop down considerably when i turn 25 in a few weeks. something like half as much or so. i also have to have a rediculously high rate of coverage per work's requirement.

. cell phones in southern iowa are an abomination. it looks like verizon is going to be my best bet. cingular told me "we are striving to improve the quality of our network coverage in that region" but nothing very assuring of when. plus, i like the motorolla e815 phone. flip phone. good battery life. large buttons. bluetooth. sounds like a winner.

. living at home is getting better. but i feel like i want to break out in to charley sheens speach from Apoc. Now. about how every day in here i get weaker, and charley out squatting in the bush, gets stronger. its hard to feel like im much of an adult, rotting in my parents basement for shit pay. but i dont have a choice. i feel like a baby that i cant have friends over or have much of a life anymore. but i dont have a choice. food is free. no rent. no worries about if i can pay heating bills. i just dont have a choice not to.

. relationship wise. im a wreck. i honestly feel like im worse off than ive ever been. not only do i not have anyone, i dont have any probables, and i dont have any way to meet anyone else. its rough. right now, id really like to have a relationship. to have some kind of support. to have some kind of feel good. there just isnt any. no quarter to be given the army of the invader. i feel extremely close to someone, but am getting the impression that maybe all along, she never was in to me. just put up a good face for it. the truth is, who cares. i always knew how it would turn out.

. giving advice to other people is interesting now. its nice not to think much about myself and whats going on with me, but to indulge in other's. yet again, i have to reiterate that its quite a feeling to know everyone is moving on. marriages, kids, etc. its great. i really am happy for everyone. even for the current of an exgirlfriend, i just cant say how perfect it is that somene makes her happy. thats the kind of thing thats more important than i could ever be, that someone is happy in the end. truely happy. if it was me that did that, awesome, if its someone else, thats really awesome. i just know that i cant sit and be anything but happy for her. for both her's.