Current Musical Selection: In Flames - Zombie Inc

well today is working out to be fun. loooooots of fucking fun. so i walk to latin this morning, and as usual, im early to class and i sit in the hallway and talk to whoever else shows up early. one of the hot girls usually does. so i sat and tried to talk with Aurrelia, [i honestly dont know peoples real names... just our latin ones], so the entire time i kept getting bashed on. i flipped through the paper, made a comment about how one article was presented--- "yeah, well i think its a good paper!". i didnt try to respond to it. instead i made some snide remark about her being politically to the left. she scowled. "just because i dont plan on being an american too much longer, doesnt mean i dont know what a good newspaper is like". eeeeeeeeeeh what? she went on to explain how shes going to move away to canada or england with her boyfriend. i giggled. its really just too easy. so i left it alone. the sad thing is shes serious about it. people, are fucking serious, about leaving this country!!!! i really dont understand it. i really cant think of too many things my country could do, that would force me to leave it behind. even this gay marriage thing isnt going to do that. definitely not wars. nor taxes. people just seem like they want a reason to leave. so i told her; "go back to fucking france" it was quiet after that. which was good. i put my headphones back on. she pretty well killed conversation for the morning.

which left me nice and awestruck when THE hot girl from latin comes strolling in... early. which, i dont believe has ever happened. in that split second i was trying to fathom that... then i saw why. rumpled clothes. messed up makeup. hair that looks reassembled. dousche bag in tow by the hand. nice. she made a nice scene about kissing him several times more than necessary, and some other banter that im priviliged not to have heard. ------"but her soul, her divine guest; was thrust to the bottom.""---- he returned the favor by fondling her ass and looking around at other girls while attempting to care. its a great day. really it is. not only are people assfucks, but they do probably ass fuck. i guess i miss a standard of decency. i guess i lack any sense of 'progressive subjective cultural value' for what exists around me... i suppose im just and irritated little man. who is pissed off at what he sees around him. but even so, im not about to move to canada for shits sake.

i hadnt really intended to make any sort of coherent post. i guess its working out to be one though. i suppose i really shouldnt get this mad about what i see. maybe someone will just drop a bomb on all of society and leave me to my little island in the corn field. i promise i wont hurt anyone. even if i find some of you pathetic mutant sympathisers wallowing around my corn island. ill just shoot you in the face. nothing personal, ya know. all in all, my dream is really starting to sound nice now. im really thinking seriously about wanting to pursue my montana retirement. even if it kinda sounds like Ted Kazcinzcky. but some day, after money has been made; ill cash it all in when im still somewhat young. 45ish maybe. doesnt matter. cash it all in. every last cent. every car, IRA, bank account, pension, home, possession, everything i might have of monetary value will be converted into pure liquid cash asset. and ill be done. done with society as it exists. done with the fucking people i have to see. done with the heartache from the people ive known. i buy as many acres of land of rocky, forrested area i can contigeously attain in montana, or some related wilderness ridden state of the union. and i leave. i go there. i have a cabin. maybe a ranch. and i live that way. no more jobs. no more fucking leftist crap to be innundated by, no more whining, no more women to leave me, no more apperances to upkeep, nothing else to try to fit in with. i just leave. it sounds great. it sounds like something i want. and the best part is, i know none of you could probably handle it. none of the people i know, could truely live in isolation like that. no people. no news. no phones. no instant messenger. no cars. no nothing. no noone. just a couple horses. maybe some cattle. a rifle. thats all i need. i dont need people and these attitudes. i dont really need to be saturated in the calamities that are the expectations of peoples future lives.... people come back to me, and give me these stories of how life is going to be so great... how this magic kingdom awaits when they ride away with this shinning prince. and its not going to work like that. you will do the same stupid shit youve allways done. and you continue to scar your self deeper with each cut, and youll never really awaken from the coma you have forced yourself into.... the comfort of the pain, the separation, and the anguish is something you all feed off of, you demand... to make yourself who you are. its not an obsession... its more than that. its a survival startegy. and i for one dont need to be here for that. people never have respected me, or what i understand. so you abandoned me; why cant i abandon all of you some day? ill leave behind the things you said. the feelings i might have had. just let you all have it back. its nothing i need. just something i carried around for far too long. its those expectations, like yourown, that put me here. that put me in this position of anger and resentment... with illrefute. nothing but the isolation from the impossible would suffice to remedy it now. so my greatest dream... the most perverted thoughts, all must be leading me to the truth far from this place. the happiness i wanted wont come to be. the things i desired never amount to much. and its worthless to grieve over it like you all do still. happiness is not contained in cohabitation, mutilation, confrontation, or manipulation. instead it is the antihesis of all of that. it is not living with another, it is being left whole and unmangled, it is about regarding the sanctity of solitude and the abandoning the riggors of coercision. it is in a word, about not belonging. so by not belonging, i have no life to cut off from my own, no dreams to cry about loosing at night, no person to long for in my sleep, no habits of addiction to feed. it is the simplicity to which it all can be solved, that you all ignore. it is the simplicity that i restore.

so what else is supposed to happen today?