normally this time of year feels like crunch time. i owe the world [or at least the literate portion that can access these scraps of gilded lines] my yearly review of crap no one cares about, much like everyone else does. and its still coming! instead i need to go back a few steps and get my mind started on some other things i'd been meaning to talk about but just never had the time to do so.


first of which; was my experience in Rockford in octemberish with the "living history" event. which is such a farse. it implies that things are done in accordance with how it SHOULD have been done. for the most part, while in view, things proceeded well. i am talking about a grand display of world war II things... all things... military, civic, and horse like. yes. periodically nerds who are interested in polishing the reputation of the greatest generation, gather, dress in their clothes, and amuse themselves by firing blanks. its a hoot. anyhow. why me? well thats a tough question. ive slowly sunk to that nerd level. but my excuse is a pure historical vantage of the subject. some personal history is included. while it has been fashionable to talk or handle or film anything from that period for the last few years, ive continued to dig deeper into la la land myself. i am that guy, ive learned. no one doubts this. so. more history, more reading. my collection is now a shelf, which is a point of pride. the next fascination was seeing some artifacts, which i dont have.

see for most people, they have a relative who served in the war that left things behind, if they themselves arent around to testify. i really dont. one grandfather was ineligible for service [he was missing a leg since childhood --- a long story!], and the other? well he died years before i was even born. making my interactions with history, quite slim. what we do have are some things that just whetted my appetite for more. really, in the last 3 years or so, with this whole mess of my grandmother moving and such, we've unearthed a lot of things that we didnt know we had. she, like many of her generation, clung to some things [mainly memories and odd sentimental things], but disposed of copious amounts of tangible things that two generations post, would have delighted in seeing. case in point, grandpa ralph's uniform, service ribbons and the like were tossed. he kept them. she wanted no part in it. the real complication of all of it though, was him. granpa ralph, as my mom tells me, would have greatly enjoyed someone like me to tell all about the war. she reminds me how similar in attitude i must have been to him at that point in his life. we would be close to the same age, which would be fairly old for front line service, but a detriment to those near us due to maturity and skills. that is, presuiming i have any.

any way: the story goes that he took tons of pictures, wrote letters, documented things, and managed to learn some french as he went around the towns in an armored unit. [this parallels my fathers side; where my uncle Barlo met his wife Flora in the service. remember, his side is the mexican side, native speaking, and when they were in spain, litteraly walking in formation, he heard people speaking spanish... which he tells us, was the only one in his unit, and he started talking to the civillians. eventually he married Flora, the mans daughter whom he struck up that random conversation with... merely because spanish was something he hadnt heard since leaving the US]. grandpa ralph though, enjoyed his time from what im told. to me, the information would have been a gold mine. to people that lived through the war, even on the homefront, it wasnt worth talking about, let alone bragging about. so. what we have come across are some limited medical records, discharge papers, and pictures of servicemen we dont know. all fascinating to me, giving me some historical perspective to really learn about the conflict in detail.

enter Rockford. the closest, largest, event in this part of the country. it was a hell of an opportunity to see things more closely. plus a chance to take some pictures. to put it mildly, it was a small slice of heaven for me. my biggest regret is not going back for a second day [ but lets face it, it would be a repeat]. even though my co workers laugh at me for, ive added some ww2 fashion to my closet as well, due to the vendors on hand. without a lot of detail, different groups do their best to re enact life in these units. sure, the famous ones are present, like airborne units; but even some less sexy units are recruited... representing WAC, nursing corps, navy units, and mounted cavalry units. both US and German units, with a few other groups as well... Polish, Brittish, Italian and Russian. all complete in uniforms, gear and weapons. weapons..... including tanks and other mechanized units. i couldnt stress how much it made me feel like a kid. to me, it was the immediate equivilent of sitting on grandpa's knee and living the stories in my mind; but with real cloth, steel and horse shit. any how. some of my pictures from it:

but just as one stark memory, which has stuck in my mind. the entire even is laid around a fictitional town, with a pretty good size area all told, and the units dig in and camp in the wooded areas around it. [which in its self, is fascinating, considering the degree of detail to the trenches some units dug... by hand... just for this event] but walking from the town to the camps through small wooded runs, they have set out mock battle objectives for people to see. after being stopped by the first battle for the main street [the pictures are showing most of that, complete with casulties], i emerged into the woods. where i could smell the gun powder. i felt nervous. i was walking and listening. i could hear the sounds of running.... the jingling, the scuffles, branches rattling. then i heard german. german comands then german rifles. people in front of me, in typical plaid shorts and knee high sock tourist outfits, stopped and covered their ears, kids cried. but to me. it was as close as i can ever come to being in the middle of it. by sound i could tell they were german rifles. i could tell how far they were spaced out. it was amazing. the crowd stopped and gawked. more rifles. i then noticed id ducked down, for no reason than instinct i suppose, and started running towards the gun fire. then i heard US small arms fire. thats why i was running. to see it. to join in. to be there. it was surreal though. running into gunfire. smelling it. hearing it. feeling it. knowing it. to me, it made the entire experience worth more than money.

Not that I'm anointing myself as such, but the Fashion Police should be out in force. Why? It's just something that I'm really starting to notice now, the longer I'm stuck in crowds of old people. It's.... Almost a ''holier than thou" approach to dress, but worse; its the method of attempting to be MORE poor/podunk/humble THAN THOU. After a wonderful night at the symphony, on Friday, I couldn't help but sit and laugh the more I saw of it. It was wide spread; consisting mainly of old men with nothing better to do that dress ridiculously and go out into public view for the evening. And so, ladies and gentlemen of the jury;








Exhibit A.



the ivy cap.

aka the driving cap.

aka the newsboy.



Its ugly. Its stupid. Even my dad has one, but I haven't seen him wear it in years. In some cases, the cap and the bill are stitched together, in others, ridiculous as it sounds, there is a snap to be done/undone. It is most popular in black, tan, black/white herringbone, or brown tweed colors, but the odd mint green, or navy blue model is apparently made as well. The functionality of the hat is unknown. The bill is really shaped too poorly to shade much sunlight, and it lacks an extended brim to ward off rain or snow. It exists purely as a status symbol. "Status of what," is my question! The most I can really come up with, as a historical relevance, comes from the era of the late 1800's through 1940's, where this particular head wear is seen on working class and tradesman as a dress approach [ie The Lennox Heating/Air Company logo] [or the host of PBS's The Woodwright's Shop]; and most dominantly on youth conscripted into hawking papers on the street corners. Today though, this is an extremely popular choice of men over 50. I lost count at 25 of these; on people in suit coats, windbreakers, flannel, and sweatshirts; but all over the age of 50 [or more], facial hair tended to be mustaches only. Even as a hat person; I can't fathom why this hat is popular. Even when worn by Samuel L. Jackson, I can't allow for it on my head! [and he only wears it backwards... possibly to deny wearing one!] The hat channels, I guess, the by-gone era that people never lived in. People my dad's age have no reason for it. Everyone that wore one with the times, was dead before they were born, or were old enough to know it was no longer fashionable. Proper men's hats in general were no longer popular after Kennedy was elected; whom I now blame for eliminating only the good hats from society; we are now stuck with beggars and hangers on: cowboy hat guy, beanie with propeller clown, ivy cap idiot, and baseball cap [both genus: cappus ball sporticus [or sports/team related hats], and cappus ball noveltitum [including stuipd slangs and logos, hats advertising vacation destinations, and various veterans hats filled with pins], with various styles of ass clownery still attempting to thrive [hippie hat, assorted holiday hats, special event hats, random souveinier hats.] Exempt from my rants are: military duty hats, protective head wear, and true historic hats serving living history needs, and I suppose... real cowboys. Sadly enough, this includes the Village People.








Exhibit B.



The suspenders:


Clip On variety,


and


Novelty variety.




These are noted by extreme widths [often more than 1.5" wide], purely elastic, with gargantuan chromed clips. Several varieties exist; all related to the same family, but different due to number of yokes. Most would agree to have 4 yokes [two front, two back], but 3 yoke is popular in the elderly circuit [two front, one back]. Also noted are the extremely rediculous 2 yoke [one on each side, with a loop that encircles the shoulder; really... its a back-bra people!]. Suspenders [or braces], are a direct lineage to a time when belts were unknown to man, whom obviously emerged from caves with unibrows and swatches of red cloth clipped over each shoulder to hold up pants. Seriously? Suspenders are the modern descendent of bib overalls, which include the suspenders as functional necessity [yet curiously some still are made with belt loops!]. Suspender systems are popular [and very useful!] when utilized to distribute heavy loads across the body, in military and hiking situations, as well as construction. In the modern era, we define each man to use ONE, and only ONE article of pants restraint; to the elderly two are common at all times. For reasons unknown [See John Lithgow, as Exhibit B]. Belts are problematic for obese people, as well as men who deposit large weight at the midsection; when pants are pulled up to a point [think of the equator on a globe], they will slowly droop or settle lower and become far too loose; resulting in belt tightening to the point that it restricts bowel function. Now, personally, I love suspenders. I have 3 pairs that I never wear. Because I never have an excuse to wear them. Got it? But ALL of them are button in. Why? Clips are ridiculous. Clips look ugly. Clips ruin pants. Buttons are built in. Buttons are probably tailored. Buttons don't hop into your pants, like chinsey clip on suspenders from Kmart. Suspenders [aside from military, hiking and construction usages] reek of a boeme nature for most people. Think Amish. However, even they have the good sense not to use rainbows, or clips.



I reserve my last Exhibit, for later rebuttal.

well... for some reason, when i saw "Iowa - Minnesota" on Drudge today; more than a week after the beat down.... i knew something was up.... besides... it also quotes "loo" in the title of one article... priceless... ahem. go hawks?

Couple has sex in bathroom as crowd cheered them on and their significant others watched Minnesota-Iowa game

Football fans found action to cheer in Metrodome loo

article by: John Brewer [available online TwinCities.com Nov 27 2008]

A couple of University of Iowa fans took a break from Saturday's game at the Metrodome against the University of Minnesota to have some illicit sex in a Dome restroom, police said.

The duo — a 38-year-old woman and a 26-year-old man from Carroll and Linden, Iowa, respectively — turned a handicapped toilet stall into their love nest about 8:30 p.m., late in the Hawkeyes' 55-0 trouncing of the Gophers.

A crowd of intoxicated fans gathered in the restroom to laugh and cheer the off-the-field action, until an Avalon Security guard tipped off University of Minnesota police to the ruckus.

Officers had to interrupt the intimate moment to cite the couple for indecent conduct, a misdemeanor.

University of Minnesota Police Chief Greg Hestness said similar citations at the Metrodome or on campus usually involve public urination.

He said it was the first time in his six years at the U that his force has interrupted a sex act during a Gophers game.

Hestness assumed the woman was embarrassed about being caught: She initially gave a false name to officers and had to be identified by her husband before she was released.

The man was attending the game with his girlfriend, according to police.

"It's a long ride back to Iowa," Hestness said.

/////////////////////

and again!!!!

Update: Hawk fan says bathroom sex scandal "ruined my life"

article by: Staci Hupp [available online: Des Moines Register Nov 26 2008]

A Carroll woman who was caught having sex in the men's room at an Iowa Hawkeye football game in Minneapolis last weekend says she’d had so much wine before kickoff that she doesn’t remember walking into the restroom, the man she had sex with in a stall, or when the police opened the door.

What Lois Feldman, 38, will remember is the humiliation afterward.

“It’s ruined my life,” she said through tears today. “Not just the incident but the press.”

Feldman, a married mother of three, has been the target of Internet jokes and prank telephone calls today. She was fired this morning from an assisted living center, where she had been an administrator.

Feldman said her husband, Kelly, has been supportive. She said he faults himself for not going with her when she left her seat to use the restroom before halftime.

“I don’t know what happened,” Lois Feldman said. “But I don’t deny that it did happen because obviously there are police reports.”

Police ticketed Feldman, 38, and Ross Walsh, 26, of Linden for indecent conduct Saturday night.

A security guard who said he saw the two having sex through a gap in a men’s restroom stall flagged down campus police, according to the police report.

By the time an officer arrived, about a dozen people were cheering and laughing in the bathroom while Feldman and Walsh were inside the stall, the report said.

The officer pushed his way through the crowd, opened the door and separated Feldman and Walsh, the report said.

Police described both Feldman and Walsh as upset, drunk and uncooperative.

Chuck Miner, deputy chief of the University of Minnesota police department, said officers tracked down Feldman’s husband.

“I’m not sure how they made contact with her husband, but they needed her husband to help identify her” because she’d given the wrong middle name.

Miner said police didn’t measure the blood-alcohol level of Feldman or Walsh. Asked to respond to Feldman’s claim that she was too drunk to recall the incident, Miner said: “That’s probably an accurate statement.”

Feldman said she’d never met Walsh.

“I don’t know who this man is,” she said today. “I just found out his name in the paper last night.”

Walsh wasn’t immediately available for comment.

Carroll, Feldman’s hometown, is about 60 miles northwest of Linden, where Walsh lives.

Feldman, who describes herself as a light drinker, drank wine at the home of family friends before the football game.

She said she doesn’t remember how much she drank, but the party’s hosts refilled her glass each time it was low “so I’m sure I drank a lot.”

Feldman said her husband later told her he’d tried to talk her out of the game because she was intoxicated.

“He said I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she said.

Feldman said her husband accompanied her to the game, but their friends stayed home.

She said she remembers sitting in the stands one moment and the next “being slammed around by a cop and screaming.”

“Apparently I was panicked and very uncooperative,” she said.

Feldman said she “ran away” from her husband the Metrodome after the incident.

She said a woman she didn’t know offered her a ride home about 11 p.m.

Feldman said she gave her husband’s cell phone number to the woman, who called Kelly Feldman for directions to the couple’s hotel.

Lois Feldman said her attorney has encouraged her to fight the ticket.

“He feels I was taken advantage of in my state of mind,” she said. “This is not me. We’re a very good family. This shouldn’t happen.”

Miner, the campus police officer, said fighting the indecent conduct charge could be a long shot.

“It’s spelled out in the law in Minnesota that intoxication is not a defense to any crime,” he said.

////////////////////////////////////

Child pornographer will likely spend rest of life in prison

By Ann McGlynn: QcTimes.com [available Online: Nov 23 2008]

[wait for it people!!!!!]



With evidence a judge called the most disturbing thing he’s seen, Kerwin Summage will likely spend the rest of his life in federal prison.

U.S. District Court Judge John Jarvey sentenced Summage, 41, to 60 years in prison for making sexually explicit videos with the 10-month-old and 3-year-old children of his girlfriend.

A video played during Summage’s trial made one alternate juror sob, which then prompted a fellow alternate juror to console her, Jarvey said.

“It was so disheartening,” Jarvey said.

Summage remained defiant, claiming his innocence and railing on a system he says was unfair and biased against “this black man who dares to fight …”

Summage initially was arrested on Scott County charges of second-degree sexual abuse, prostitution, sexual exploitation of children, bestiality and child endangerment without injury after a search of an apartment at 1825 W. 40th St., Davenport, turned up graphic homemade movies in July 2004.

The investigation began after police heard Summage had paid a mentally handicapped man to have sex with a woman and videotaped it, according to search warrants filed in Scott County District Court.

Summage’s girlfriend, Melissa Mae Brown, is serving time on state charges in connection with the case and is expected to be released in July 2009.

Police said videotapes made from January 2001 to July 2004 include:

* Brown walking the streets of Davenport as a prostitute and picking up clients before returning to a car to describe the details of the sex acts and to hand money to Summage.

* Summage videotaping Brown during those acts of prostitution while children are in the back seat of the car at night during the winter.

* Summage performing sex acts involving a dog and videotaping Brown as she performs sex acts involving three different dogs.

The Scott County charges against Summage were dropped in lieu of federal prosecution on charges of producing and possessing child pornography. Those charges were filed in 2005.

After a motion to suppress evidence made its way to the U.S. Supreme Court, Summage then filed a request that the case be dismissed because of a violation of the Speedy Trial Act. The 2005 charges were dismissed in May after a judge ruled a violation took place, but they were refiled a few hours later.

The complaint filed in support of the first round of charges says that police seized sexually explicit videos involving prostitution and bestiality, videos that Summage appears to be directing or taping. His voice can be heard on some, and in others, he appears in a mirror holding the camera, officials said.

Furthermore, Brown told authorities that it was Summage’s idea to videotape her performing a sex act on her son and that he was the person who videotaped the act, documents state.

He’s been in custody, on Scott County charges and then federal charges, since December 2004.

Summage also has a case of sex abuse pending against him in Georgia.


//////////////////////////////////////

If it wasn't bad enough to use a baby.... he thought he should push his directorial powers to make his own versions of; BangBus with the kids in the back seat; plus using the mentally ill as star power I'm sure will bring in the DVD sales... as for the dog? I guess he is just pushing the envelope of ART.... only in America... only in Davenport!

well... another day another doctor's office. it seems bad this year. but really, i suppose im making up for lost time. aside from a pair of ER visits from Staples, i really never hit a doctor up while in college or just after. this year has made up for it. with pneumonia, tearing up my back and rehab, the dentists issues, and now my infected ear, its been an expensive run so far.

before anyone asks; im fine. great. next order of business, is why.... well as a kid/ teenager, i was always getting these ear aches / infections that are similar in nature to swimmer's ear, with water getting trapped in my ear canal. turns out, that as an adult, i still get it. i suppose its something that could be corrected with the dreaded "tubes in the ear" fix... but its never much of a problem. then comes the change of season, and it seems i get it again. usually it lasts a few days, gets red, i dont hear sharp and high pitches well, some minor pain, then it goes away. this one hurt like a son of a bitch. it feels like a spike is getting shoved in through my ear canal and gets hammered on about every 3 seconds. of course i cant hear anything either. so i broke down and hit the doctor.

dr. a. has had me as a paitient almost as long as i can remember. more than 20 years. so i never feel discomfort going to see him. its, yes a doctors office visit, but it never feels unfriendly, or cold to me. just normal. and through all the visits over the years with broken bones, dislocated knees, cuts, sicknesses and such; its always nice to come back to the same doctor. he even laughed today about the ear infection. he said some day we should go through my charts and see how many ive had. i reminded him he had kids to put through college.

but as always we get to the fun part. the blood pressure is normal, pulse is normal, but you are over weight. it seems like it follows me around. at 273 today, i guess i didnt know what heavy was. thats been about my weight for the past couple years. i guess its too much. per BMI, i should "ideally" drop to about 200 for my height. thats a big change. real big. the jury is going to stay out on this one for a while, but i suppose it shouldnt kill me to do something. even if its not 70 pounts of something. anyhow. still alive. lets all cross off; EAR MICROBES as things that haven't killed me off yet.

so tomorrow is D-Day in the 10 year future of the United States. its the national election that all of these whining leftist kids have been coveting. its a referendum on middle-right views. tomorrow, it will be sharply bitten, and rejected. tomorrow, the vast expanses of this nation will throw over board their better judgment, and attempt to elect a member of the new-left, because of "change." simply that was the strategy. "change" what? do what? none of that is important. tomorrow is the day they feel is important.

of course, my choice is only of two options; be gutless and vote in the popular candidate against my person beliefs; or vote where my heart lies. if anyone reads this, and thinks im straddling the fence for obama, you really don't know me at all. tomorrow my choice is to be the gutless, non thinker, party boy and scratch out a vote for John McCain; or to vote with my heart and true feelings and mark my vote [as will be printed on the ballot in Iowa!!!!] for Chuck Baldwin.

Chuck Baldwin is running on behalf of the Constitution Party; a national political party that has finished behind Ralph Nader's pathetic attempts in the past few elections. this is a party thats highest elected official is a congressman in montana. but this is the party of my true feelings, as closely as i can find this election. its a party that holds membership in the hundreds of thousands [by all guesses its currently less than 500,000]. the party began in 1992 as the tax payers party, which was a loose knit group of yoyo's to get elected on the basis of tax code referendums. the party has matured to much, much more than that.

load up your weapons, but this is what i vote for tomorrow;

" The mission of the Constitution Party is to secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity through the election, at all levels of government, of Constitution Party candidates who will uphold the principles of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States. It is our goal to limit the federal government to its delegated, enumerated, Constitutional functions and to restore American jurisprudence to its original Biblical common-law foundations. "

among other planks [just for your reference];

strongly oppose abortion, strongly oppose same sex marriage, oppose universal healthcare, strongly opposed to deficit spending and increased taxation, are considered isolationists in foreign wars, strongly favor capitol punishment, strongly reject amnesty/guest workers/expanded immigration, strongly favor a limited federal government[ie eliminating whole fed departments and agencies, and returning to a strict constitutionalist view of government. [these are all the things, in all of my life, that make me unpopular with my peers, all rolled up in one nice hateful package]


but im not here to convince people. no one who knows me, knows that my aim is ever to convince people to believe as i do. and besides, everyone has run out and bought the slogans and stupid tshirts and campaign garb; thats all non refundable. i waited to mention anything to see if anyone else would agree with me. no one has. so read up about the party and the platforms here, if interested after the fact. the larger, outer world, wont see this till well after their champagne has settled flat tomorrow. however, i must live in this country a while longer after that. the bitter taste of dry liquor does nothing to quench the thrist within my heart for a better nation, but feel free to drink the kool aid, revel in the media's new messiah. i wont watch it. i wont need to know what the outcome is either way, to know that this country's problems are about to get a whole lot deeper tomorrow. historically deeper. in debt. in foregin supremecy issues. in taxation paid to the government. that will happen no matter which of the popular mavericks or change artists you select tomorrow. my fight, is a loosing battle at best. i will fight on, knowing the battle is lost, and the empire is broken. but the nightmare will truely begin in earnest tomorrow.

Iowa City man faces murder charge {wait for it.....}

Iowa City Press Citizen; Available Online [Press-citizen.com]

Article by: Rachel Gallegos: October 19th 2008

An argument that erupted over a game of chess ended in murder early Sunday, police said. Iowa City Police charged David Christian, 29, of 418 Brown St. No. 6, with second-degree murder for the death of his neighbor Michael Alan Steward, 39, of 418 Brown St. No. 4.

According to a news release from Iowa City Police:

Iowa City Police, Iowa City Fire and Johnson County Ambulance Service personnel responded to 418 Brown St. No. 6 for a medical assist at 3:08 a.m. Sunday.
When they arrived, the medical response crew found Steward unresponsive.

Steward was transported to Mercy Hospital in Iowa City and was declared dead shortly after.

During the investigation, officers learned that Steward and Christian were playing chess when they started fighting verbally.

This escalated to a physical fight, which resulted in Steward’s death.

Preliminary results from Steward’s autopsy are expected early this week.

Christian also faces the charge of public intoxication.

Second-degree murder is a class B felony, punishable by up to 50 years in prison.

The case remains under investigation. Anyone with information about this case is asked to call Iowa City Police at 356-5275.

----------------------------------------

because what is more Iowa City than this? get drunk. completely fucking drunk. go home on some rag ass couch on the porch, start playing chess with your neighbor [who for some reason is still awake]; then kill him. love it. Iowa City, how i miss you.

so it was an interesting date. ill mark it for whatever reason, assuming its worth something more than a date of self incrimination. that sounds bad. maybe its just a poor choice in judgment. maybe, i shouldn't be as weird-ed out by myself as i am. maybe ill just tell the story.

i stop off at some indiscriminate mega size grocery store on the way home from work the other night. the purpose was to pick up something to eat for lunch for the upcoming weekend of lock-down at work. as i'm wandering around aimlessly, looking for food that looks good. [also rare, that i dont have a list or any intentions...]. so i round a corner and come face to ass with some young woman, who is about my age, probably younger a bit, in black spandex. and it fits well. really, well. shes oogling the cocoa mixes, as i oogle her. which is depressing. because ive lost interest in the canned goods i came into the aisle for. so i stay as inconspicuous as my "hefty" frame could be, in my world war 2 jacket and blue hat, inching closer and watching. classic. however. she didn't seem to notice. she grabs a box, drops it into the basket next to something else, and looks over at me for the first time. shes a college girl. i dont need to ID her. fake tan. fake hair color. hours of make-up, paired with spandex and a hoodie, 300 dollar purse; they all ring the bells of a 4 alarm college girl. but i lock eyes with her. dark brown eyes. light brown, pencil enhanced eye brows. some brown freckles. it all looked pretty good. she made some cross eyed glance, looked down, and brushed past me. and i felt stupid. i felt clueless. i felt ugly. i felt like i was slapped. and normally, i let it go. it angers me. but i let it go. instead. i see my feet moving. and im following her about 20 feet behind. i know its not a good idea. but i go anyway. my feet never seemed to hear my thoughts. i catch up to her in line. and of course, stand right next to her. i do my best to act disinterested. it works. she looks at me, with some sort of questioning face, looks away but doesnt turn her head. im counting my basket, pretending not to notice. its building. she finally looks up at the cashier as they beging doing the basket dispersal routine. and i look at the goods again. she stops me. "do i know you or something?" shit. but i hear myself say. "no. but having dinner with me would be a good way to get introduced." i look at her. she blushes. but doesn't smile. she bites her lip. "yeah... i really dont think so." this isn't good. but its more spite. it was like being spit at. and i just inflate and grow larger it seems... "well thats good, since you bought your own dinner, we could skip that part. ---then there is a pause--- it could get uncomfortable in a hurry" she is flatlined. i can tell she has no idea what to say to me now. im about as stunned at what ive said. she sucks in both lips, sticks her head forward and makes a nervous laugh. she looks at me. and tells me her name is michelle. i know thats a lie. i smile. and stay polite. shes done now, and hands over some cash. she takes her change, and looks at me, before shes poised to run, and says "its nice meeting you." as she turns away, i listen to my last words that hang in the air... "it was nice to see you too."

i knew a few things as it was happening. i knew i wasn't going to get anywhere with this poor girl. i know just how awful it looked to be hitting on her in line at the grocery store, if i we're a bystander id be embarassed to be near it. worst of all, i repulsed myself as it was happening, but it was almost like i was watching myself; instead of being in control. to me that was hard. because i had all those guilty thoughts about what i was doing, and but just couldn't hit the brakes... because on some level i enjoyed it. no. not her shutting me down. but i enjoyed the elevation of the chase. which, was exactly how i thought of it at the time. my immediate thoughts leapt to serial killers. yes. its a progression. and somehow i consciously made that connection as it happened. and it scared me a little bit. serial killers, generally, progress from lower forms of sadism to higher forms. initially they act out in innocuous ways, but develop to what we all know. they start with simple acts against people - defensive, or responsive; then move on to animals or small children, then to anonymous sources, then to targeted sources. it intensifies at every step; and its the push to the next layer or threshold that raises the endorphines. i don't plan on killing anyone. but i could definitively feel some degree of excitement about the degree of intensity with which i went about it. which, after the fact, made me feel ridiculous. she was pretty. probably too much so for me. thats the truth. she was not interested. thats the truth. but somehow, they way she put me off, drew me out. thats also the truth.

in all my life, maybe 4 women have ever decided i was worth a chance. thats how i feel about it after all these years. as taking a chance. which is ridiculous. but its probably got a lot of truth to it. of those every single one finds it necessary to trounce me in the end. so i acted out this time. some simple, run of the mill chance encounter, and it sets me off in a direction that wasn't criminal, wasn't rude, but wasn't totally appropriate either. im desparate. im lonely. or im angry about both. it was a very odd feeling that night. im definetly in a rut.

here goes yet another, "I should be asleep" post.

i dont know why. thinking gets to me. it makes me ache for simple answers that i know, even without thinking through, really wont ever come to pass. it also seems, which i also dont know why, that thinking hits me as my body begins to tire out for the night.

and im not even sure what im thinking about really. on one hand [err brain half?] im elated about the snowflakes in the air. why? i dont know. im a winter person. i love snow. i thrive in cold weather. there is something special about the silence and the crispness at night during a fresh snow fall. everything seems heavy and still; but poised to fall. the only sounds are the branches that clatter and the sounds of heavy flakes raking across ice. its a sound of purity. its a picture of silence. its largely undescribeable why it enertains me so. tonight was the first night for snow in the air. and like a child, i sat by the window watching it swirl and blow around. for the moment, i guess i was a child again.

thinking ruins that. thinking, constructs my self in my correct age, and spoils the moment as quickly as vinegar sours the milk. i know that i cant be a kid. i know that im not a kid. yet, the simple moments where i forget that... where i can stop and refrain myself from thinking about it all, are the moments where i couldnt be farther from childhood. as a child, you never needed to escape. i never needed a way to run or hide or delude myself about life; about the way it ought to be, or about the flakes falling to the earth. as a child, the simplicity is bliss; not the ignorance of the facts. as an adult, i look out and watch the flakes settling on pavement that is far too warm to accumulate. i watch some of the flakes stop and cling to the tips of the greenish brown grass before they melt and leave the blades slick and shiny. it isnt the knowledge that the snow wont stick, its the thought process expecting the worst before the flakes have a chance to freeze the ground. its the difference between a child and the adult in me.

the onset of winter seems to be a gloomy time for most people. for me, thats fall. fall is death. not the approach of death, but death in its final throes. the entrance of winter is the silence after the fact. and if spring is the rebirth, then some where between the final breath and the first light, comes the conception. to me, thats winter. winter is the blankness of a page, the pleasantness of the unknown, with the coldness of a new begining. winter is a stark begining that covers the failures of the past, blankets the dead, and allows us a chance to see a rebirth for what it will be. winter is coming soon i hope, the adult in me misses what it means.

as i was reading tonight; i ran across a wonderful excerpt that paralleled my lack of reasoning for a lack of posting; unfortunately, this was his reasoning [in part] to not promptly returning correspondence back to the United States, during his campaign from Market Garden through The Bulge. I have no such war to fight. But, I think, I have similar feelings of impersonality, and perfection driven days, filled with crap that shouldn't be left to me.


" I certainly didn't feel like writing anymore. I couldn't explain why, but the only emotion that I could arouse were feelings of anger and after staying mad all day and half the night, I was just plain tired. Mad at what? Just about everything for just about everything was done wrong or it wasn't done perfectly. Since nothing but perfection was acceptable, I stayed mad. What struck me most was how damn tired I became by the end of each day and how difficult it was to concentrate. I now had people asking me questions about weapons, targets, harassing fire, grazing fire, chow, transportation, and base of fire. It never ended. I had no time to consider a person's feelings or devotion to the point, or incidental matters. Combat required that my thoughts and feelings remain hard, cold, indifferent, and effective. As to any tender thoughts I might have possessed before the war, I had left them behind in the marshaling area in England. There was no room for trivialities. "

Maj. Richard Winters
Beyond Band of Brothers [2006]

so an entry here is quite overdue. again. as usual. i have no excuses really.

should anyone not know, i did take the position in a different department. its up and down for me. the first couple have weeks have definitely pulled me out of a comfort zone. but as a plus, i notice so much more about everything downstairs... as in how out of place it is, how poorly its stocked... all compared to where i am at. oh well. as long as the checks keep cashing out, ill keep showing up.

not much else new. life is getting back into a rut of sorts. rut may not describe it well. path is better. with a rut, my first thought is to the bottom; to the muck and stagnant water that always accumulates in a rut. ruts are not a nice place to wallow in and about. ive got a bit more direction than being herded through a rut and its slop. but im most definitively on a predetermined track. that much isn't always good. but at least for me, the way is clear for now.

don't get me wrong, [in fact, cue up the "Don't Stop Believing"] i still want out, and im still trying to get out. but the signs are getting less frequent to turn off at. honestly, ive grown so callused to the Deere and Arsenal hiring practices, ive largely given up on either of them of late. sure, they are the largest, and best paying options in the area, but they sure dont seem interested in me what so ever. instead, ive been hitting up several of the area hospitals, and the universities. not that i want to run back to the bastions of liberalism, but dammit, compared to where i am at now, those halls look gilded to me. so i try. so far, ive not accomplished much.

for part two; yes, i still live in the basement. its shameful. but ive scrounged and surveyed: still with my current wage and overhead, im not sure i could make money living anywhere else. my best guess is hoping to break even or be up about 100 dollars per month, depending on utility increases and fuel increases. so. i stay on in the concrete bunker. on the positive; i have been banking quite steadily my surplus from staying put, against my loan... id expect the jeep to be mine in the clear by the end of the year... maybe at the latest february of 2009. which is grand. fucking grand. because its a year early. so... all that money can go to the "Free The Scott Foundation," or to the money pit that is student loan payback.

as a side track of money and february; im still leaning on taking early vacation next year [provided im still with Blue]. while it kills me to work so long with out any hope, and to cover for everyone else with hope; it seemed like a nice change of pace this winter. hopefully airlines will still be somewhat cheap before the spring hike hits, so... im taking ideas. hopefully something warm... but something in me is thinking the Great Northwest... who knows. just an idea.

anyhow... just checking in ... people were asking questions.... so to stave off the police reports im still around...

Iowa Central president receives $400K for resignation

Des Moines Register [available ONLINE] Article by Clark Kauffman

Iowa Central Community College President Robert Paxton will collect $400,000 from the school in return for his resignation.

After 13 years as president of the Fort Dodge school, Paxton resigned Wednesday, one day before the school’s board of trustees was scheduled to discuss an undisclosed “personnel matter.”

The special meeting was called after The Des Moines Register published a July 4 photograph of Paxton aboard a boat with a group of young people, holding the spigot of a small beer keg suspended over a young woman’s open mouth.

College trustee Mark Crimmins was aware of the photo before it was published and told the Register that Paxton had done nothing improper and the matter wasn’t deserving of the board’s attention.

When questioned by the Register, Paxton initially denied knowing anything about the photo or any recent boat outings with young people. After being told that Crimmins had already informed the Register that he had seen the photo and the two men had discussed it, Paxton acknowledged the photo’s authenticity. He said he had done nothing illegal or improper.

But the photograph, along with Paxton’s explanation for it, was picked up by other media outlets and sparked a heated debate in Fort Dodge over the personal conduct of public officials.

At today’s board meeting, the trustees met for eight minutes and agreed, without discussion, to accept Paxton’s resignation and approve a compensation package for him. The deal calls for Paxton to receive $200,000 in January 2009 and $200,000 in January 2010.

Trustee Larry Hecht said the board felt the compensation package was fair to all parties.

“The thing we struggled with was whether his personal life was, you know, his,” he said. “I think we all thought that was true. On the other hand, his position — I guess what you do in your personal life does affect the public’s perception of what you do on the job.”

Hecht said the decision to accept the resignation was “heart-breaking” given Paxton’s dedication to the school. Asked why there was no discussion of the compensation package, Hecht said, “It wasn’t like he killed somebody or stole money, so where we’d end up court was ‘who knows.’”

Paxton was not present for the board meeting, but said in a written statement to the board, “It was a true joy and honor to serve” the school.

Paxton, 52, has said all of the people who were drinking in the boat when the photograph was taken were of legal age. He said the beer keg was broken and wasn’t dispensing beer into the young woman’s mouth. He said his 19-year-old son, who was arrested for second-offense drunken driving early the next morning, was in the boat but was not drinking.

Three days before the photo was taken, Paxton signed a new employment contract with the school. The deal awarded Paxton a 33 percent increase in his annual retention bonus, raising it to $15,000 per year.

The deal also included a $156,000 annual salary; a $27,960 stipend toward the purchase of an annuity; a $13,200 annual car allowance in addition to mileage payments; and an expense account worth $7,250.

In 2002, Paxton was indicted on charges of felonious misconduct in office, falsification of public records and tampering with public records. The charges grew out of an investigation into student athletes being awarded false grades.

Three of Paxton’s colleagues at Iowa Central eventually pleaded guilty to charges they tampered with student records to benefit the athletes and to deceive others. All three men retained their jobs at the school. The charges against Paxton were deferred under an agreement in which he accepted responsibility for the transcript fraud.

so creeps in this petty pace

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle. Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Act V, Scene V, Tragedy of MacBeth

so i have some thinking to do. ive done some already. but i have a lot more to do. i cant say that im ever in a good spot for very long. a situation of sorts has arisen at work, such that im expected to make a choice that i feel very pressured to make. its not life or death or anything like that. its not even really all that important. but to me, its a hard decision to make. the option is on the table for me to switch to a different department, for equal pay, equal position. it 'costs' me; a change of weekends, a slightly worse schedule than i already have, plus the entire problem of learning everything there is to know about an entirely different group of garbage. i 'get' the change of scenery, the heartwarming sensation that i can learn something else, and the ability to cast my net wider for future spots by doing this. it, however, is not that simple of a choice to make.

at its root is the stability of my current slot. should i choose to go, a whole lot of people are going to think i jumped ship, before it sunk. because there will be some sinking involved, without question. my entire menards life has been spent in the same spot, and its quite warm, even with the garage i deal with. this is going to look bad if i jump, because there isnt any direct benefit for me other than to be out of the old department. ... ... ... and i think people will take note of that quite readily.

if money were involved, or a true promotion up, no one would think any different, and id probably never have to think much about the outcome. but for this... this to me, would look like someone wants out, and found a way out. because it is that way.

so im rather conflicted about the whole mess. i know, that at noon tomorrow, they want an answer from me. who the hell could fee anything but pressured by that? i tried to force my self to think this over a lot today, so i spent most of the day driving to nowhere doing just that. i know that if im reflecting this much on it, something says this isnt a small of a deal as the others are offering it up to be. so here i sit.

the honest answer should be; if i cant make a decision, then dont. but i also know, that not making a decision is the same as rejecting future offers without saying as much. but thats unfortunately part of the package. i really dont know what im going to say tomorrow.

Police think body found in park is Miller's

Iowa City Press-Citizen • August 24, 2008

[available online: Press-Citizen] No Author Attributed

Iowa City police say “more than likely” the body and rifle found in Hickory Hill Park on Sunday is that of embattled University of Iowa professor Arthur Miller, dead of an apparent suicide.

If so — police have not made a positive identification yet or confirmed a cause of death — this would conclude a search for the man accused of offering better grades to students willing to bare their breasts or let him fondle them. Police began looking Wednesday after his wife reported him missing.

“Clearly, at this point everything points to that being Mr. Miller,” Iowa City Police Sgt. Mike Brotherton said.

Daniel Hoover, 51, of Marion who works with Linn County Underwater Search and Recovery, began looking for Miller at 10 a.m. Sunday and found a body in a meadow about 30 yards off a deer path in the north part of the park. He called police at 12:28 p.m.

“It was something because of past associations that I thought I could do. I didn’t think it would bother me if I did find a body, so I thought I would give it a try. … I hope that it will help provide closure to everybody involved,” Hoover said. “The woods there are very overgrown. (Finding the body) would be as much luck or divine guidance as anything. You could call it good luck or maybe bad luck.”

Police think Miller, 66, a UI political science professor for the past 23 years, felt humiliated after accusations stemming from May 8 and 13 became public. Police charged Miller on Aug. 8 with four counts of soliciting a bribe, a class C felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison. Miller also was to be put on paid leave when school resumed today as the university conducted an internal investigation.

Miller’s wife reported him missing and said he left an “apologetic” possible suicide note before 7 a.m. Wednesday morning. His red BMW was discovered Wednesday parked at the Upper Hickory Hill Park entrance. A city worker saw someone matching Miller’s description walk into the park Tuesday morning with a mustard-colored blanket. Miller used his cell phone at about 10 a.m. Tuesday, which is thought to be his last known contact, and a gunshot was reported in that vicinity late that morning, police said.

Police learned Miller had purchased a high powered rifle in June. Police found in Miller’s car his wallet, cell phone and boxes of ammunition, including one that was missing a few cartridges.

“If it is Mr. Miller, he’s been there since 10:30 a.m. Tuesday,” Brotherton said, noting advanced stages of decomposition of the body had set in. “That was when we lost contact with him.”

Police closed the 185-acre park and began a two-day search on Wednesday, including using specially trained K-9 units. Police initially suspected Miller had committed suicide, but they called off the physical search on Thursday evening after they didn’t find his body and considered the possibility that Miller may have left the park.

Police have not yet positively identified the body, but all signs point to this being Miller.
The body was discovered with the rifle underneath it and a yellow blanket nearby, about 200 yards from police’s staging area for its search on Wednesday and Thursday. The body also had a green shirt and green shorts, which was consistent with the description of what Miller had been wearing, Brotherton said.

Police could not say for certain the 30-06 rifle had fired or that the person died of a gunshot wound, but there was head trauma, Brotherton said.

“There are some consistencies and similarities with a suicide,” he said.

A crime scene unit and the medical examiner were on scene investigating Sunday as the northern entrance to the park was closed off for the afternoon. The rest of the park remained open.

The family has been contacted, Brotherton said.

“I think it is pretty much what they’ve been expecting all along,” he said.

The family did not return a phone message Sunday.

The family issued a statement Thursday indicating they thought Miller already had died.

“The ordeal of the last two weeks has become unbearable for Arthur. He could not live with the thought that his name and reputation were smeared and associated with the things which he believed he never had done,” the family said in Thursday’s statement.

An autopsy, which would allow for positive identification, is scheduled for today in Ankeny.

“More than likely, the signs point to (it being) Mr. Miller, but we can’t say 100 percent positive,” Brotherton said.

University spokesman Steve Parrott said the university would wait until confirmation before they issue a statement.



---------------------

Because I told you so, only works so well. Remember people; I'm only capable of selling toilet seats... I have no other marketable skills, and no functional knowledge to use in the working world outside of toilet seat sales.

I was off by approximately 12 hours on the lead time to find the body. However, I also had to work all weekend, otherwise I'd have gone corpse hunting I suppose. Also note, the person credited as making the recovery works for law enforcement, but is obviously doing this as an amateur, much as I suspected. The position of the body on the rifle is more indicative of kneeling position taken by the shooter, balanced forwards over the center of gravity, likely due to the angle necessary to hold the weapon. Properties boarding the entire western edge of the park are of residential are development, with several small schools and churches approximately in a mile radius from the center of the park. The northwestern border of the park is adjacent to a cemetery.

Any how, back to selling toilet seats for me.

here goes another one of my famous, "what the hell am i doing at the keyboard at this time of night" posts. to which, i never have any answer. still wont here either.

people have been asking me if i know about this story; and no i really dont. the three classes i had from that department all were with other professors. to be honest, id never even seen the guy in my time at iowa. not to beat a dead horse, but it really must be a great gig to do that. come on. reading papers that the nubile, young, dont-know-any-better, coeds write each semester has to weigh down on someone with a phD. he found a way to make it better. allegedly. gives a whole new interpretation to grading by a curve, doesn't it? in all seriousness, my best guess is that he is dead. what surprises me the most is that he left with out certain personal effects. why? well... it gets a bit foggy here... so bear with me.

criminals plan things. even if the plan is, mug this guy and take his money. its a plan. they aren't always well thought out. they cant be. because most of them get caught in the act, or with in 48 hours of commission. anyway. suicides ARE different. one could argue its a crime, but keep in mind, this is much more like dealing with a mentally deranged person. the problem is, they are, and remain, fully in control. what? yeah. hang on this. suicides do things we dont think rationally would apply. they eat lunch, then 20 minutes later, jump off a bridge. they read the paper, feed the cat, then jump in the shower with a hair dryer. its quite a daft proposition to think that anything is related to anything else. again, we only get the opportunity to look backwards at a crime scene. which, when we come across it, was simply a place where a crime was committed. logically, people without knowledge of these things [particularly family members, and the general public once the media throws it all out there like Vince Foster], look for a causal chain... a stark reason that would set them overboard, followed by a line of shit about how they "would never do something like this." obviously. suicides really are a one time deal.

but scott, you are presuming hes dead, and dont know that yet! yes, i am, and so do the police. again, to bear the point across: that this man left his wallet, cell phone and miscellaneous personal affects behind should lend us a few clues about his mental state at that moment. dying anonymously. not really. but subjectively he felt so. why? distance. obviously the man in question is up against it; his profession and his personal life are about over with as he knows it, so hes trying to distance it. or maybe, he really felt like walking in the woods with a rifle, and thought better of loosing his wallet out there, so he left it in the car. things were not staged here. this type of deliberate action suggest distancing himself in death from his life. why would he need distance? because of shame. guilt. a lack of willingness to accept fate for his actions. he is dead, and he intended to kill himself. he has left personal affects behind to remain more anonymous. it could be hard to find him.

really? well take vince foster. he was missing for a day or so, then a search was on, and finally he was found right next to a monument, near a bush, in a park. most parks have pretty easy access to monuments. so why is it so hard to find one dead guy? in this sense, its because maybe he wants it to be. maybe the guy had second thoughts. maybe hes too ashamed to be found, and identified. suddenly, i m not that crazy after all, am i? a man with no identification, who is on his way to kill himself, isnt readily found, because again, hes looking to distance himself from his acts. ill get to the nitty gritty here....

my best guess is the body should be discovered within the next 36 hours [i'd wager by dusk saturday night]. i wouldnt be surprised if its a volunteer, or some passer-by that finds him. id suspect that he will be with in 15 feet from a trafficked area, and probably not much more than 1,000 yards from a viable, accessible area [read: a church, a school, street lighted residential district]. i doubt, very much, that hes found near a largely populated area... no hospitals, not near the university, no shopping malls. im also going to take a guess [though i wont know for certain] that when the ballistics are run, the body will have been facing out wards from cover, and would likely to have been seen within that 15 foot area, should someone be in the right place at that right moment. although the man was deeply convicted, suffers from guilt, the gunshot will be central, or 40 degrees from center of the forehead, from the right side of the body. there will not be second note with the body.

how in the name of the Lord, can i come up with this? well... crime data supports most of me here on locations. positioning of the body is due to his nature as a person. while he is eluding people, he is going to be on the watch for them as well, probably up to the final moments. the shot will be to the head, because everything else here is justifying a mentally preserved state... hes tying up loose ends, hes looking to disappear, and hes thought this over. that, and statistically men shoot to the head, women are more prone to the body in circumstances. also, he probably wont find a good way to wrap a long arm to his stomach or upper chest, hence the angle to the head. the 1,000 yard shot is a crap shoot. why? my hunch is here that he doesn't have far to get to now, and the mental conflict wants him to preserve himself as long as possible, until he chooses the mark. that being said, he will avoid populous areas; that leaves too much behind, leaves him infamous. hes looking at namelessness, as if he can absolve himself and his family from what happened by doing it this way. the 1,000 yards to a church, or a school... id guess he either has some religious ties, so he goes near a church or worship area [but not his own!], or goes toward a school [ties of comfort, memories of youth and innocence]. my last shot at it is the residential area; because that affords him a last look at humanity in general. maybe he makes a plea for himself at the end, or maybe it sets him off looking at it. the 15 feet rule is because he cant get far. besides, hes not hiding. hes going to kill himself. hes looking for privacy thats opportune, not perpetual. he has not picked out the exact position, but i wouldnt be surprised if he is familiar with the area.

i could be totally wrong. hope i am.

Shackler's Revenge... Whatever The Hell That Means

Here again, I'd post the video/music that was leaked [so far the only OTHER place I've found this was on Youtube, which I put up yesterday, and was promptly quashed over night Sunday], but it wouldn't do me a lot of good... this song is stuck in my brain. Its the new GnR. Its not Appetite For Destruction. Its nowhere near the Illusions albums... but I dig it. So far, its ... very modern. Its very different than the other big leaks in terms of style. This song doesn't even sound like the 4 new ones they have played live... its edgy. It has this disco beat. It has odd noodling distorted guitars. Its Axl, but obviously through a synthesizer with odd effects on his voice. But its the lyrics that I [alone] love.

"I've got a funny feeling there's something wrong today
I've got a funny feeling and it won't go away

I've got an itchy finger and there'll be hell to pay
I'm gonna pull the trigger and blow them all away

Don't ever try to tell me how much you care for me
Don't ever try to tell me how you were there for me

I don't believe there's a reason (I hope you see this)
I don't believe there's a reason (I don't regret this)

I've got a wicked demon inside that never fades
I've got an empty feeling I won't be home today

I don't believe there's a reason (I hope you see this)
I don't believe there's a reason (I don't regret this)
I don't believe there's a reason (I hope you see this)
I don't believe there's a reason (I don't regret this)"


It hits me pretty hard. For whatever reason, these things agree with me or don't. Axl's words usually do. This one really does. Its a song I'd probably write. That is if I had talent. Its the same message. The same feeling. Almost like; if certain people heard this song, they would know where the lyrics came from; like that some of these phrases are snippets of conversations or emotions strong enough people would know who they are directed at just by hearing it. I hope so. Thats why I'm getting out of it. Dammit he is right. I wish I could say things like this, so truthfully, so succinct, so brashly.

"Don't ever try to tell me how much you care for me, don't ever try to tell me how you were there for me" thats good. I wish I could say that. I wish people would understand that. I wish, if this is how he does this, that I could say things and people would get a clue like I did. How people abuse you, how they steal from you, and how to them it all seems like nothing. How they try to convince you of thoughts or feelings that are empty, for the point of keeping up appearances. God dammit that hits home to me.Like it was innocent. Like it never happened. When it was far from that. I wish I could put those words out there to bounce them off some blank faces.

"I've got an empty feeling I won't be home today" which is especially haunting. Lots of reasons. But I love that line. Great song.

] going back to listening [

-- out ---

S.

Pour Some Sugar on Me

The 80's insanity MUST NOT STOP!!!! It stops for no man! So Pour Some SUGAR ON ME!!!!!! [and my mullet!]

Getting The Chair

I hate the dentist. I freaking hate going to see the dentist. Can I be more clear? There are a precious few things that make me cringe in life. I don't like large expanses of open water [the kind that cover horizon to horizon], I'm not overly fond of the summer heat and humidity, but I flippin hate the dentist. There isn't much middle ground for me and that chair. Why? Why not! That scraping feeling, where it feels like each tooth is coming out for sure during their "delicate cleaning" process makes me cringe. I hate the sound the implements make. I hate the feel of your gums being burnt as they polish and apply fluoride paste. I detest the minuscule chunks of plaque and garbage they fling in the air, that inevitably lands in your eyes. I hate it when they say "sorry, that looks like your in pain." I hate the dentist.

When I go to see the doctor, I meet with a nurse first; who takes my information and has me sit and wait for the doctor. When I go to see the dentist, they snarl at me with perfectly bleached fangs, and scowl at the dingy chairs and 3rd rate magazine rack, as if I didn't know what my fate was. At the doctors office; I hear pleasant music. Sometimes Bach, maybe even Schubert, and on a rare Friday afternoon, maybe some talk radio. At the dentist, Axis Sally still calls out units thanking them to die, and welcoming fresh young teeth to wait their torture. My medical doctor leaves nice booklets about the place, modern health trends, Men's Health, Midwest Vacation Magazine, and that lone issue of Golf Digest. Its decorated in pleasant end tables, with lamps! And on the wall is some quaint [as I think of it] Nantucket house on the edge of the sea. Herr Dentist has framed pictures of Stage 4 Periodontal Disease over the exit door to dissuade any escape attempts. Tommy the Tooth leans on his brush, like the butcher leans on a meat grinder. His face is the cheeriest in the room, as I gaze over my copy of Tooth Cracker Illustrated. The waiting room at my physician has a slight hint of gauze and powdered rubber gloves, but is a fresh breath of sterile for the most part. The fetid fumes of the tooth puller are saturated in pain and sweat.

The doctor calls me by name, smiles, and comes out to shake my hand. Dr. Anderson doesn't see me much, but knows when he does something isn't right. He does his best medically, and personally to make me comfortable again. In the Evil Empire of Enamel, I only hear "NEXT," where I open the door my self, half expecting a rifle to be pointed out of it, to walk and find my fate. The screams of drills, and the garbled cries of my fellow man are all around me. I'm as hopeless now, as they are.

The doctor waits till I sit, then has the PA come in to take my history, and my basic vitals. She smiles, makes small talk, and reminds me about my weight. We laugh. I shrug, and say I try my best and some day it should show. Then she departs, reminding me that the doctor will be right in. I stand in the hallway of the [tooth]death camp, looking about me, as if i could, to find a brick I could pull away and crawl behind. But I'm spotted, and gestured to the room. And to The Chair. The last sharp voice I hear orders me to stop with soda, sugar, and all manners of things I love to eat; or else my teeth will rot right through my skull. After that, I hear the snap of a glove, and the whine of the drill. I black out. The pain is still there. But I try to separate myself in two. To peel back a layer of my psyche as they probe and scrape.

The doctor sees me, checks my symptoms. He knows I have drug allergies, and prescribes me a healthy dosage for my ailment. He knows this is the best treatment, but reminds me to call if a side affect materializes, or to set a follow up appointment in a week it my symptoms aren't diminished. He smiles, shakes my hand, and walks me out to the door. But by now, The Dentist, has yet to see me. He lets his underlings have their way with me first. To tire me out. To break my mind, and split my body, then let his healing touch flow around me. I'm scared. The minutes are hours... and after the first hour, I've lost track of what day it really was. Its painful. Its mental more than anything. They continue their wicked ways with out mercy. Until He arrives. He says nothing to me, but speaks in gibberish to a lackey. He identifies me only by my dental records. "Twisted 9." I can't speak. "20 mm over bite." More fingers get shoved in my mouth. Then he stands over me, shoving the light into my eyes, as if it could bring me more discomfort. "I still want to do that Endo on 17." I don't want what he wants, but its futile. "No cavities. ... This time. Schedule a follow up for the Endo, and a six month in February for him. Mark to watch Twisted 9." Then he leaves. My jaws ache from the abuse, but its my mind thats battered most.

Thats why I hate the dentist.

Because every time it feels like this. Every time my teeth hurt down through the roots, my jaws ache to the point of numbness, and I swear I can feel the places where they've burnt streaks into my teeth with the drills and instruments. I've been through 7 dentists in my life. Every single one is a vile as the last. I have a gag reflex now, that I never had. Its the freaking putrid smell of the dentist office and a finger in my mouth, and I'm ready to choke. I hate going to the dentist. I hate it more than most things in life. But I went. And yes, they really want to do a root canal on me, for a tooth that brings me no pain, and very limited sensitivity to cold. It made my routine check up, seem like a tool to shake me down for more money and more pain. I hate dentists. They only seem to have appointments for me at 8:15am, on my only day off in 2 weeks. Do I need more reasons? I think not. Did I mention, I still at 27 have never had a cavity? I rest my case.

400 Is Just A Number

Post 400 is coming up very fast. 4-freaking-hundred. I'm not so sure that I ever planned on keeping this thing going that long, but here it is. I also like to sit back and think about all the others I've left in the dust in the past 6 years or so. I can hardly remember how many of my friends used to have blogs and let them die. Trouble is, many of them still read this one. WHy? I've wondered late at night about what is so compelling to people to read what I write with such regularity. Its flattering. I enjoy it. Hell, some days I even cater to it. But it behooves me to understand it. Just as much so as the reasons why people refuse to read it any more. So many people, so many reasons. So to get that out of the way, I appreciate the ZERO blog birthday wishes I received last week. My six-year old self and I thought about a lot of things over a boring car ride this weekend. Here is how it all started:

"" Tuesday, July 23, 2002

POST NUMERO UNO!

Yep.. Im here. Its really funny, i used to do something like this on my old website [back when xoom.com was alive... god rest ye soul~!]; it was a pain in the ass to keep updating everything in a txt file to do it... im glad technology finally caught up to me once again.

Anywho. post numero uno should be a joyous one.. so ill talk about myself in another entry. As you can tell, if your cool, the title of this blog was ripped from my two of my favorite Guns n Roses songs... Estranged and Its So Easy... GnFnR for life! yeah.. first post is going well.. im glad i have such a great audience here tonight. ill get into more concrete things later... just getting her set up.....

THIS BLOG WAS BORN ON JULY 23, 2002 at 1:53am CST.

ain't it fun~
s. ""


More of a whimper than a bang, thats how this whole mess started out it into the world. What ever the antonym of "impressive," is, we should apply it. Maybe not as much as the void that should have been filled by an "impressive" entry would seem more apt. Fear not, by the second post I was assailing the DMCA, something that can still get me worked up years later. Ho-hum. I'll blow out my candles now.


S.

Some new news for your fix.


Stippers and Vaginaplasty. Mmmm.. Tasty.

Yes, indeed, nude dancing an art in Iowa, judge rules

Available: QCOnline / Moline Dispatch [www.qconline.com]

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) _ Nude dancing remains an art in Iowa.

A Fremont County judge ruled Friday in favor of a nude dancing club owner charged with violating Iowa's indecent exposure law.

Judge Timothy O'Grady said prosecutors failed to prove that the club wasn't a theater and protected under an Iowa law that allows nudity at such venues devoted to the arts or theatrical performances.

The county attorney had charged former club owner Clarence Judy after a 17-year-old girl climbed up on stage at Shotgun Geniez in Hamburg and stripped off her clothing.

'I think it's a little scary,' Fremont County attorney Margaret Johnson said. 'This person was a minor by just a few months, but what do you do if it's a younger minor? At what point do you say 'This is not appropriate.''

Johnson said she'll provide a copy of the ruling to the state attorney general's office, which will decide whether to appeal the case. Johnson said she hopes to meet with state prosecutors next week about the matter.

If the case is appealed to a higher court, it could affirm the rights of dozens of strip clubs in Iowa or deem them in violation of state law.

A 1998 case in Davenport also found nude dancing is a form of art. Given that, the new owner of the Hamburg club expressed confidence nude dancing would remain legal in Iowa.

'It would be pretty tough to try to appeal it to the Supreme Court,' said Terry Rutledge, who bought the club on Monday. 'In all actuality, you don't have be a theater hall, concert hall or anything. You can be a strip club that has nude dance, which the state of Iowa for the second time has recognized that it is art.'

Arguments in the Hamburg case were made during a one-day trial on July 17. Johnson said the intent of the law is to allow movies in a theater where there's brief nudity or for an art gallery displaying paintings of nudes.

Rutledge, who owned the establishment from 2001 to 2005, said he plans to establish an Iowa Nude Art Center Association. The proposed group would bind Iowa nude dancing clubs together to help establishments that may face similar challenges in the future.

'It's just art and I didn't want to see it die,' Rutledge said about buying the club. 'I didn't want to see somebody give up on it.'

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Australian doctors warn against 'designer vagina' craze


Available: Breitbart News Agency [www.breitbart.com]



Australian doctors have raised concerns about clinics offering vaginal cosmetic surgery, warning the trend towards so-called "designer vaginas" may be exploiting vulnerable women.

The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists said procedures being offered included "vaginal rejuvenation, revirgination, designer vaginoplasty and G-spot amplification".

"What is involved in these procedures is often unclear since recognised clinical nomenclature is not being used," it said in a position paper released this week.

The college labelled the procedures dangerous, expensive and unwarranted, and said it strongly discouraged surgery that was not backed by scientific evidence or clinical trials.

"The real risks of potential complications such as scarring, permanent disfigurement, infection, dyspareunia and altered sexual sensations should be discussed in detail with women seeking such treatments," it said.

The college said women should understand that there were a large number of variations in the appearance of normal female genitalia.

"The college is particularly concerned that such surgery may exploit vulnerable women," it said.

Ted Weaver, chairman of the college's women's health committee, said most of the operations cost at least 10,000 dollars (9,500 US), which he described as an "extraordinary amount of money".

"We feel these operations might prey on people with insecurities and fears who actually need psychological help," he told Australian Associated Press.

"They are also not very anatomically-based and have the potential to cause serious harm."

Doctors in the United States and Britain have raised similar concerns about the surgery.

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Maybe I should start thinking of tramp stamps, as fashion labels? No? Just think of the poor, exploited children of the world... laboring all day for 30 cents per hour to hand craft designer vag's in sweatshops. What a cruel world!!!!