to be the best, you gotta eat the rest.

Woman aims to become world's fattest

by ninemsn staff [available online via MSN, March 15 2010]

An obese mother in the US is trying to put on weight in order to become the world's fattest woman.

Donna Simpson, from New Jersey, weighs 273kg but told the Daily Mail newspaper she had her heart set on reaching her goal weight of 1000lb (450kg) in two years.

The 42-year-old already holds the title of the world's fattest mother after giving birth to her daughter in 2007 when she weighed 241kg.

"I'd love to be 1000lb ... it might be hard though, running after my daughter keeps my weight down," Ms Simpson told the Daily Mail.

Ms Simpson, who needs a mobility scooter to go shopping, eats huge amounts of junk food each week and tries to move as little as possible so she doesn't burn off as many calories.

"I do love cakes and sweet things, doughnuts are my favourite," she said.

Ms Simpson said she also loved eating sushi and would often eat 70 big pieces in one go.

Her 49-year-old partner Philippe — who she met on a dating site for plus-size people — was encouraging her to reach her goal, she said.

"I think he'd like it if I was bigger ... he's a real belly man and completely supports me," she said.

To put on enough weight, Ms Simpson will need to eat 12,000 calories a day, which is six times the recommended daily intake for women.

In order to pay for the enormous amounts of food she is eating — her weekly grocery bill is $815 — Ms Simpson makes money by running a website where men pay to watch her consume fast food.

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this is soooo full of goodness. i cant focus.

Pappa's Got A Brand New Zombie!

James Brown's body is 'missing from its crypt', alleges singer's daughter

by Daily Mail Reporter [available online: Daily Mail, March 12 2010]

James Brown's daughter has claimed the singer's body has gone missing from its crypt.

LaRhonda Pettit, 48, alleges the body of Brown, who died in December 2006 aged 73, is being hidden to prevent a full autopsy being carried out.

Ms Pettit said the official cause of death, which was said to be a heart attack brought by pneumonia, is not the real reason behind the Godfather of Soul's passing.

Ms Pettit, who underwent a DNA test in 2007 to prove she was Brown's daughter, believes there were several people involved in Brown's death.

She said: 'My daddy's body has disappeared. I have no clue where it was taken, but I need to know where.

'I'm convinced his death was suspicious and I want the people responsible brought to justice.

'The only way to do that is to exhume his body and have an autopsy. I cannot understand why one was never conducted.'

She added to America's Globe newspaper: 'It was common knowledge that my daddy took illegal drugs.

'He was also hooked on various prescription painkillers. At the very least there were enablers who helped cause his death.'

Ms Pettit, who is 99.99 per cent likely to be Brown's daughter, said the singer had a relationship with her mother after meeting her at one of his performances in the 1960s.

She is one of 12 people who came forward following Brown's death claiming to be one of his illegitimate children.

Brown's body is said to have been sealed in a temporary crypt at his daughter Deanna's South Carolina Home while arrangements are made for his permanent burial.

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While the fact that James Brown is a zombie, is not news; it IS however newsworthy that Zombie James Brown is, for lack of a logical reason, out on a zombie binge and can not be caught dead... ALIVE in his temporary crypt. Which is at his daughters home. Thats been there since 2006. Begging the question, what really is temporary anymore? Not even death. Not when you are Zombie James Brown, and you feel GOOD!

Last Day

Stuck eating McDonalds. The BBQ place had a 20min wait. But now I'm
waiting atleast 20 mins for my connection flight to Moline. Something
er other about crew members flights being delayed, delaying the flight
docked in our gate, meanin we can't dock and load. Sigh.

Last Day

DFW here I am. Taxing around the place takes 12 minutes. Is that
pathetic. I thought these things could fly, and here we are rolling
around at ghetto block cruiser limp speed. Sigh. Only one flight
left... To the Mo-line.

Last Day

First leg of the homeward flight is on time. It's the fastest I've
ever made it through TSA. By far. No inspections. No bullshit. Maybe
I'm off the black list!?!?!? DFW here we go.

Last day

5:00 am and I'm ridin the gray goose back to the airport. I really
don't want to leave. It's about 50 degrees here. I'm heading into 3
degrees as a high with 4 inches of fresh snow since I left. Thanks Iowa.

Day 4 -- Part 4

Dinner, with car valleted, was at a brazillian steakhouse. Meat is
all you can eat, brought to your table and carved off every 3 mins or
so. 16 different meats to pick. Soooooo good. I'm glad I didn't eat
all day. The bill? Eesh. 3 people with one mixed drink each was 225
bones. Ouch. I spend less on groceries per MONTH in Iowa. Sooo
good. Zo got caught dancing with the breasty belly dancer. I got
pulled up later. Good times. Good mojito. Great meat. Then we hit
up the Hyatt. It's 40 stories tall, highest in San Diego, and has a
bar at the top with a view to kill for over the harbor. Drinks and
stories. What a way to end the trip. 4 am wake up call hurt after
this!

Day 4 -- Part 3

One last shot of my hotel courtyard at dusk. Then on my way to change
and head out for one last night!

Day 4 -- Part 2

Drove down to the border. Couldn't cross. No passport. So I saw
thebazaar on the American side and the two massive outlet malls. The
bazaar is straight out of Mexico. Kids walking a chiuaua in the
street. Knock off designer shit. Worth the drive. Stopped to see
Lo's restaraunt on the way up. Also drove in the country through
horse ranch territory.

Day 5-- part 1

Started out the day at the Kobye Swap meet. Or aka. San diegos
largest roving trash dump errrr garage sale. Admission was 50 cents.
Found some stuff. Like a donkey party. Too bad the one I wanted to
see only plays in Mexico.

Day 4 -- Part 4

Ended the day conquesting a Robertos Taco shack. Damn. Carnitas
burrito was godly. What an awful place to live. Beach. Sun. Tacos.
Mercedes. Silicone boobies on size 3 girls. Just awful.

Day 4 -- Part 3.

Heading back to Diego, I rolled out through a mall. Found an Slk 350.
Nice ride. Lots of nice cars here. Porsche is doing verrrrry well in
this market !

Day 4 -- Part 2.5

Also the Point served as a costal gun emplacement for the Army during
ww2. 16 inch guns and 5 bags of powder lobbed shells 25 miles with
seconds of accuracy. Not minutes. Assloads of trig with 30 second
marks gets you that kind of accuracy in 1943. Ofcourse I thought I'd
play with powder bags.

Day 4 -- Part 2

After Lo had to work, I drove out to Point Loma to sit and write on
the beach, then drove up through the naval base to Cabrillo monument.
Named for a Spanish explorer around 1530, the point is now a park with
some 200 year old light house. Stunning views. Really.

Day 4 -- Part 1.5

Here is the head of the pier -- panorama style.

Day 4 -- Part 1

Started out early today from Lo and Zo's made the three block walk to
the beach. Beautiful. Walked the path up and down took Crystal Pier
out over the water. It's about 200 to 300 yards out from the shore
with rentable cabins on the pier. 500 bucks or more per night 3 night
minimum, 6 to 12 months advance. Had huge breakfast burritos and
potatoes at Konos on the pier. This is how I ate breakfast.

Day 2 -- Part something

Long day. I'm getting sick. Feels like strep. Sigh. Say the Seaport
Village, scored a new hat, saw the USS Midway carrier. 18 dollars
admission got to me. Then hit a cigar bar before a fantastic dinner
at an Italian place. Then I paid my 36 dollar parking ramp fee. But
not before some homeless bum on a bike asked me for money then lifted
his shirt to show me a tumor the size of a cantalope. God why does
this happen to me? Calling it a night!

Day 3 -- Part 1

Starting out early today. Expecting lots of sight seeing. At the
waffle spot. Lo can't handle the penis looking sausage cartoon
characters. " giggles I wanna take a pic of the bangers next to the
sausage. Giggles"

Day 2 -- Part 3

Ended up driving back down the coast in the rain. All the locals
freak out in the rain. Tons of fun. Met up with Zo and Lo and hit up
Casa Brava for some excellent tapas and sangria. Had snail and lamb
plus some awesome patatas. Nice place. Then hit Karl Strauss for San
Diego home made brews and food. Good night!

Day 2 -- Part 2

So I'm walking up the beach and a blonde with a dog stops to talk to
me. Nothing interesting except she mentions there is a sea lion on
the beach farther down. So there I go and here it is.